Wikipedia:Peer review/Lola Versus Powerman and the Moneygoround, Part One/archive1

Lola Versus Powerman and the Moneygoround, Part One
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because…

I'd like to see it get to GA class. I nominated it a while back, but I believe that was a bit premature for the article. I've withdrawn it so I can work on it a little longer. Until then, I'd like to hear any comments, praise and criticism you have for the article - whatever helps me improve it.

Many thanks in advance, I.M.S. (talk) 20:26, 2 November 2009 (UTC)

Comments: First of all, congrats on all the progress this article has seen over the past couple weeks. Here are some suggestions:

Lead
 * "...[Note 1]" --> "..., sometimes titled Kinks Part One: Lola Versus Powerman and the Moneygoround,"
 * "concept album" --> "concept album"
 * Second paragraph uses "hit" a lot. Perhaps change to "which reached the top 10 in the US and UK, and 'Apeman', which peaked at number five in the UK."
 * Second paragraph: combine with first paragraph

Recording
 * Is the sub-heading needed? As the article's currently written, I suggest changing title of section to Background and recording
 * Ray Davies --> Ray Davies
 * "the next single the Kinks would release," --> "the band's next single,"
 * "took especially long" --> "were especially long"
 * Martin and National Steel: these links are disambiguations
 * "The National Steel would play an integral part in many Kinks songs after that.": Short, stand-alone paragraph could use further explanation ("How so?", "Which songs?", etc.)
 * "(see 'controversies' section)": not needed.

Songs
 * In the caption of the "Lola" audio sample, I would clarify which two sections are featured. Also, Lola --> "Lola"
 * royalty: this link is a disambiguation
 * "(see 'Soundtrack appearances')": not needed.
 * "with a B-side of 'Rats'.": not needed, as it's stated in the previous sentence.

Controversies and dubbing
 * "A similar situation was encountered with the song 'Apeman'.": Explain.

Aftermath
 * "The success of the single" --> "The success of 'Lola'" or "The success of the singles"
 * which they named "Konk" --> "which they named "Konk",
 * Chart Success: rename Chart performance

Soundtrack appearances
 * Short, stand-alone paragraphs. I would combine them and expand if possible (has "Lola" been used for any TV programs or movies?)

Track listing
 * I'd mention the "Introduction" here, since earlier it is noted that "Introduction" is often billed as track one.

Notes
 * The notes need some cleanup, as many lack publishers, access dates, authors, etc.


 * Overall, the article is well-written, and is an interesting read. Keep up the good work.  Gongshow  Talk 01:31, 6 November 2009 (UTC)