Wikipedia:Peer review/London Borough of Croydon/archive2

This peer review discussion has been closed.

London Borough of Croydon

 * Previous peer review
 * A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for June 2008.
 * A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for June 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because it has improved dramatically since the last Peer and GA review. I have listened to what the editors have said and believe that it is in line with other pages which have been granted good article status.

Thanks, Pafcool2 (talk) 15:21, 7 June 2008 (UTC)
 * On the face of it, the article looks very good. Without knowing much about London, I can't say anything about comprehensiveness and such. Right now I have just two issues:
 * Every single table in the article is differently styled - maybe this is the standard for tables of each type, but it doesn't look very good in the same article.
 * One image on the left, one on right - maybe it looks better on widescreen monitors, but certainly not on 1024x768, the most common resolution.
 * That's it, keep up the good work :)
 * -- Ynhockey (Talk) 13:50, 8 June 2008 (UTC)

Brianboulton comments: The article, with 9,500 words of text (excluding tables and images) is way, way too long. There's simply far too much detail - it numbs the brain! I'll limit my comments to a few random observations, but I think the main task is to cut the article down to a reasonable size.


 * The first sentence begins: "The London Borough of Croydon is a London borough in South London..." This is clumsy and repetitive; something like "The London Borough of Croydon is a district of South London" would give a smoother entry to the article.
 * "regenerate" does not have a hyphen. Nor does "prehistoric" later on
 * "which is hoped to attract..." is ungrammatical
 * Phrases like "carried on through the ages", and particularly "got into brewing" sound too informal for an encyclopaedia
 * There are typos, missing commas, stray commas. "In the 1900..." is one typo
 * This sentence is unclear, poorly punctuated, and awkwardly phrased: "The current Assembly member is Steve O'Connell a local councillor who was elected with an increased majority of 43% from Andrew Pelling's time in the seat". This is a sample from many sentences that need surgery.
 * Re European parliament, Croydon cannot be "represented by" the London constituency - I assume you mean it is "part of...."
 * Later on in the article I saw that "Purley Way is a major employer of people". Following the link I found that Purley Way is a road. So I think that statement needs rewording.

As I say, these are random remarks, not a full list. I'm sure there is much good in the article, too, but rather deeply buried at present. Please give careful consideration to how you can slim the article down. Brianboulton (talk) 23:07, 9 June 2008 (UTC)