Wikipedia:Peer review/MV Aurora (2000)/archive1

MV Aurora (2000)
This peer review discussion has been closed. This article has undergone a significant re-write, expansion and tidy. Looking for comments regarding suitability for GA &mdash; what issues might need to addressed to get to that stage.

Thanks, Wexcan Talk  02:46, 29 December 2010 (UTC)

Finetooth comments: This is a good start. It is not yet ready for a run at GA, but it has potential. Here are suggestions for further improvement.


 * The lead is to be an inviting summary of the whole article rather than an introductory paragraph. My rule of thumb is to include in the lead at least a mention of each of the main text sections and not to include anything important that is not developed in the main text. The existing lead does not summarize the whole article. WP:LEAD has details.


 * I think you need to make clear in the first couple of sentences that P&O Cruises is a British-American cruise line and that HRH, the Princess Royal, refers to Princess Anne. Otherwise, foreign readers may at first assume that P&O is a German company and the Princess Royal a German. Also, it would be helpful to those readers if Her Royal Highness (HRH) were spelled out on first use; otherwise they will not know what HRH stands for.


 * Extremely short paragraphs and extremely short sections and subsections give articles a choppy look and feel. Two possible solutions are to expand or merge. For example, I see no reason for the many subheads in the "Specifications" section. They could all be eliminated; every existing subsection would simply be a paragraph of the section. In addition, the short paragraphs within those existing subsections could be merged to make slightly larger paragraphs. The "Specifications" section would then consist of five paragraphs of moderate size.


 * The primary units of measurement in Wikipedia articles are usually spelled out, while the secondary units are abbreviated. Thus, something like "270.0 m (885 ft 10 in)" would appear as "270 metres (885 ft 10 in)". However, it might also be better to express all the quantities in decimal fractions. I like to use the convert} template for doing the conversions because it gets the spelling and punctuation right as well as the math. Here's an example that you can inspect in edit mode: 270.0 m.


 * Abbreviations should generally be spelled out as well as abbreviated on first use in an article. I mentioned HRS above, but this would also apply to abbreviations like "V" and "kW" in "Power and propulsion".


 * I'd recommend converting knots to miles-per-hour, like this: 24 knot. Most readers are unlikely to have a good sense of how fast a knot is.


 * "The champagne bottle did not shatter when it hit the ship's side... " - Readers unfamiliar with the ceremony may not know what champagne bottle this refers to. Would it be helpful to add a bit of background? Why champagne? Why a princess?


 * "The ship was christened on 27 April 2000, by HRH Princess Anne." - A sentence in the lead suggests that the princess chose the name. Did she? Citation 17 suggests that P&O chose the name.


 * "worth about GBP£6 million" - What does GBP stand for? Is it an official abbreviation?


 * "A crewmember described the sea state as "very rough, with waves of about 5 m (16 ft)". - Inline citations for direct quotations should appear immediately after the final punctuation of the quotation. In this particular case, two citations appear at the end of the paragraph in which the quote appears, and it is not possible to tell at a glance which source supports the quote.


 * Make sure that the sources meet the WP:RS guidelines. For example, is "beyondships.com" reliable? It seems to be a personal web site.


 * Nice lead image. Licenses look fine. MOS:IMAGES suggests placing images entirely within the section they illustrate, not overlapping two sections, creating text sandwiches between them, or displacing edit buttons. Eliminating the subsections in the "Specifications" section will help solve the layout problems with the two images in the main text.


 * It's often useful to look at similar articles that have advanced to featured status. A list of these appears at WP:FA and includes items like SS Christopher Columbus.

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog at WP:PR; that is where I found this one. I don't usually watch the PR archives or check corrections or changes. If my comments are unclear, please ping me on my talk page. Finetooth (talk) 19:46, 2 January 2011 (UTC)