Wikipedia:Peer review/Margaret (singer)/archive1

Margaret (singer)
I've listed this article for peer review because with a little work I believe it can become a FA. Margaret is one of the most popular contemporary artists in Poland with some achievements in other European countries and after her participation in Melodifestivalen 2018 she will undoubtedly attract even more attention. I've already worked on the article with Ceranthor, Aoba47 and FrB.TG and with some more help I'm sure we can take it to FA. Feel free to leave comments.

Thanks, ArturSik (talk) 18:12, 29 December 2017 (UTC)

More Comments from Ceranthor

 * "Margaret's 2013 debut single, "Thank You Very Much", was included on All I Need (her first EP)." - Why the parenthetical? I like it better as her first EP All I Need


 * "The song charted in the top fifty" - which charts?


 * "The song also charted in the top thirty in Romania and the top forty in Sweden" - same as above


 * "Margaret was on a 2014 list" - I'd add "included" before on


 * "In 2015, Wprost named" - for those unfamiliar, I'd clarify that this is a popular magazine


 * "Margaret has endorsed products" - bit too prosaic; specific types of products or even "a number of products" would be better


 * "Early life and background" - perhaps better as early life and education?

More comments coming!  ceran  thor 19:04, 31 December 2017 (UTC)


 * "Margaret's professional music career began during her final school year as singer-songwriter in the band oNieboLepiej (Much Better, formed in early January 2009)' - I assume Much Better is a translation, but it reads awkwardly without saying 'translated as' explicitly


 * "They performed in the semi-finals of the 2010 Coke Live Fresh Noise competition." - where?
 * actually, after initially putting Warsaw, I've delted that as there is no information on where the semi-final was. only the final which took place in warsaw. whenever i come across this information it says they qualified to the semi-final, so my guess is it might've been an internal selection process and only the final was a public event. I've changed that to "They qualified to the semi-finals round of...".
 * actually, after initially putting Warsaw, I've delted that as there is no information on where the semi-final was. only the final which took place in warsaw. whenever i come across this information it says they qualified to the semi-final, so my guess is it might've been an internal selection process and only the final was a public event. I've changed that to "They qualified to the semi-finals round of...".


 * "their studio album was released online in 2013" - any idea of the title?


 * "In 2011, Margaret produced a fashion blog with music videos.[12][21] In a 2013 interview with Gala, she has said that her manager discovered her through the blog.[22] " - these two sentences individually are fine; but together they're choppy; maybe combine into one sentence?
 * I would get rid of the second sentence as it is already mentioned in the next section (2012–2013).


 * "As her music career progressed, her blogging waned.[23] " - did it cease entirely? Any update on where her blog activity is now?
 * yes. she last posted in june 2015.


 * "The label signed a licensing deal with the Universal Music Poland's Magic Records," - I'd remove "the" before Universal here


 * "In May 2012, "Thank You Very Much" was sent to radio stations in Poland," - unsure if "sent" is the right verb here


 * "this significantly increased its views on YouTube, amassing more than 500,000 views in 24 hours." - the amassing bit doesn't match with the rest of the sentence in terms of verb/subject
 * would "resulting in" would be a better option?
 * Changed to "this significantly increased its YouTube traffic, garnering more than 500,000 views in 24 hours."  ceran  thor 00:12, 4 January 2018 (UTC)


 * "It was influenced by music genres such as retro-disco and ska.[62] She also cited Madonna's work as an influence for the album.[62] Some lyrics for "Heartbeat", the album's third single, were inspired by Michael Jackson's "Beat It".[63] " - bit choppy; copyedit a bit for flow


 * "In December 2014, she performed at the Brant Hotel in Warsaw, where her specially created painting was auctioned to aid local orphanages." - what's her specially created painting?
 * not sure if you're asking what she's painted or you're not sure what this sentence says, because other reviewers and copy editors who worked on the article before weren't sure about that sentence either and questioned me about it. so she's painted herself (not a portrait) as Mrs. Claus and it was a one-off (she's not a painter) to help raise money for the cause.
 * I would clarify that in the article.  ceran  thor 00:11, 4 January 2018 (UTC)


 * "Margaret also appeared in Polsat Foundation' television promos, in which she encouraged viewers to send text messages. " - send text messages to what purpose?
 * basically it was a campaign where people had to send text messages ("HELP") to a given number and the proceeds from the messages were donated to Polsat Foundation.
 * Can you mention that in the text?  ceran  thor 00:11, 4 January 2018 (UTC)


 * "Marcin Brzeziński of Viva! magazine expressed his admiration for Margaret's approach to fashion and the fact that she has no limits" - might want to be more clear with what he means by no limits, or just provide that quote directly


 * General note: try to avoid breaking up links/proper names; see WP:NBSP

Otherwise, I think the prose is in pretty good shape. I might pick up on a few more things, but overall I'm pretty happy.  ceran  thor 22:34, 3 January 2018 (UTC)
 * I have left some comments for you. ps. I'm not sure when you've started your review but today I have changed a little bit. I got rid of endorsements section and moved its content to 'career' and moved philantropy to artisty and public image as philantropy is part of public image I guess. ArturSik (talk) 00:01, 4 January 2018 (UTC)
 * I see the re-organization. I missed it apparently! Either way, replied to your comments.  ceran  thor 00:11, 4 January 2018 (UTC)

More comments from FrB.TG

 * "Before her mainstream debut, she belonged to underground bands" - belonged? Did they own her or something? Better as "was in underground bands".


 * "The singer gained recognition in Poland and abroad" → "The singer gained international recognition"


 * "The singer has received numerous awards including" - comma before including.


 * "While blogging Margaret was approached by future manager" - comma after blogging.


 * "In the summer" → "In August"


 * "It later went on to become" → "It later became"

This looks much better than the last time I read/copy-edited it. Well done and I don't think it will have a hard time at FAC. FrB.TG (talk) 20:48, 8 January 2018 (UTC)

and do you guys think it is now ready for FAC? ArturSik (talk) 12:27, 13 January 2018 (UTC)
 * I think it may need some fine-tuning here and there, but it's in great shape prose-wise.  ceran  thor 17:02, 13 January 2018 (UTC)

Hi. Ceranthor and FrB.TG have already peer reviewed the article and we need one more review before we take it to FAC. Do you think you could do that? ArturSik (talk) 19:50, 13 January 2018 (UTC)
 * Thank you for the message. I am currently taking a break from reviewing content, and focusing more on my own content creation and putting up stuff for FAC/GAN reviews. I do not feel comfortable reviewing something when it does not have my complete attention. Good luck with this though! I do not see why you "need" one more review as you could always close this and put it up for FAC at anytime that you would like. Aoba47 (talk) 20:16, 13 January 2018 (UTC)
 * Not a problem. I will have a thorough read myself and will do that. Thank you. ArturSik (talk) 20:34, 13 January 2018 (UTC)