Wikipedia:Peer review/Mark Steel's in Town/archive2

Mark Steel's in Town
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I want to promote this article to FA status. I've tried to expand the article and new details have been found out. However, I just want to make sure everything is OK before I nominated it for FA.
 * Previous peer review

Thanks, ISD (talk) 14:13, 20 May 2010 (UTC)


 * Some comments:


 * "Other than Steel, Pete Sinclair was the only other writer, providing additional material." Citation? I'd redlink Pete Sinclair; as a comedy writer someone might write an article about him.
 * Do we know who commissioned it? Who else worked on it? Some info here.
 * Has it been re-broadcast, on Radio 4, BBC 7, or in other countries?
 * "The research sometimes took place close to the recording date, for the Walsall episode, but Steel carried out almost no research until ten days before the recording." That sentence doesn't read well. It is ambiguous what the meaning is: state clearly how long in advance the research was usually done and any exceptions. I can't work out from this when the research in Walsall was done, and whether it was typical or an exception.
 * "The programme received positive reviews from critics because of Steel's observations of the locals" is cited to one local review, is there a more general response?
 * The Reception section is very stilted, it just lists various responses. Could they be summarised instead of quoted, and ordered by tone or theme of the reception? I'd suggest that the quote from the Sony Award judges could be in a.
 * Merchandise: is it only available there? Is this just an advertising link rather than providing any information? Was it released as a retail CD? I'd call this title "Distribution" and include information on the broadcast history here too.
 * Would images of any of the places Steel discusses be a good addition? Just a suggestion.
 * There are some images of Steel visiting places he visits on the BBC synopses of the shows, i.e. . There might be a fair-use justification for some selected images to illustrate Steel's approach to his research and the subject matter of his show. I found an image of Steel performing the show in Dartford on Flickr. You could ask "Bitospud"/Paul and Edith very nicely if they would release that image under a CC-BY-SA license.
 * Here are all the sources I can find that you've not used. With the media coverage being as scanty as it is, plenty of them can and should be used to expand the content and show more reception of the show. The article feels a little bit patchy at the moment. Many will add "local colour" and give some background material on him making the show:
 * p.s. I'm not saying you should use this for the article, but this was Mark's reaction to getting the silver award: "Mark Steel's in Town came 2nd at the Sony awards last night. But I'm in talks with the show that came 3rd, so I'll end up winner." Fences  &amp;  Windows  17:59, 20 May 2010 (UTC)
 * Some more thoughts:
 * Lead: Don't say "award winning", this reads like puffery. The style guide for WikiProject Film, for example, suggests not to use such phrasing.
 * Lead: The clause "which are not known as well as the country's major cities" in the lead seems wholly redundant. Of course small towns are not as well known as major cities. Maybe Wikilink to Town?
 * Lead: Give the first broadcast date of the second series in the lead, rather than just "broadcast in 2010".
 * Lead: It's pedantry, but "'that' defines and 'which' describes", and "which" is almost always preceded by a comma.
 * Lead: "In 2010 Mark Steel's in Town won a Sony Radio Academy Award, winning the Silver Award for "Best Comedy", losing gold to Adam and Joe." -> "In May 2010, Mark Steel's in Town won a Silver Award for "Best Comedy" at the Sony Radio Academy Awards." I don't think losing to Adam & Joe needs to go in the lead, it is sufficient to mention it in the body of the article (which should be done anyway).
 * Format: "in the town in question" is redundant, a local audience is hardly going to travel to London for a show about their town.
 * Format: "but in Mark Steel's in Town it is instead a lecture about a town". Well, you've already defined that so no need to repeat it. That clause can be removed.
 * Format: This section needs padding out with material from the sources.
 * Production: Do we know what the budget was? (we may not). Could add info about the other people involved in making the show at this point.
 * Venues: Blackfriars Arts Centre is a bluelink, I didn't check the others but please do.
 * Links: There's a clip of Mark sprout-picking for the show on the Beeb site:
 * Fences &amp;  Windows  19:01, 20 May 2010 (UTC)