Wikipedia:Peer review/Markus Näslund/archive1

Markus Näslund
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review with the intention of soon putting it up for FAC. In particular, I'd appreciate input in regards to prose, as many of my articles in the past have required extensive copy-edits. Aside from that, input in regards to anything that sticks out or could potentially de-rail this article's FAC would be greatly appreciated, as well.

Thanks, Orlandkurtenbach (talk) 03:14, 23 October 2010 (UTC)


 * Comments from Laser brain

Sources
 * Unclear why you have certain works wikilinked and others not. I could see maybe on the first occurrence, but that doesn't seem to be the rule.
 * For some of the web sources, the name of the work is missing, even though you list the publisher.
 * You've neglected Canucks Legends: Vancouver's Hockey Heroes by Jeff Rud; it seems to contain quite a bit of information on Näslund. What is the reason?

Images
 * Attention is needed to MoS for captions; there should be no periods if the caption isn't a complete sentence.

Intro
 * "He holds the World Junior record for most goals scored in a single tournament, set in 1993" Why the teaser? We have to scan down to find the number?

Early life
 * "The small city with a population of 30,000" That's a small city in Sweden? Seems subjective. List of urban areas in Sweden by population has it at #38 for the whole country.
 * "During his youth" In his youth sounds cleaner, doesn't it?
 * "He received the Sven Tumba's Award as the tournament's best forward." Why does this need two citations? Both list it as "Tumbas" no apostrophe.
 * "They went on to join their Ångermanland team together" Replacing "their" with "the" would be better.
 * Hm, Kent Forsberg likely to ever become an article?

Moving slowly on this one, sorry—more to come. -- Andy Walsh  (talk)  03:47, 9 November 2010 (UTC)

A few more:

Playing career
 * "where he and Peter Forsberg formed one of the most productive lines in the league." The word "formed" troubles me, since one more person is needed to "form" a line. Maybe say "skated on"?
 * I've read it a couple times here, so I'm curious: what's the difference between writing "points total" and "point total"? Just editorial preference?
 * "Näslund remained in Sweden with Modo for two more years." Due to his contract with Modo I'm assuming? That might be worth stating here, because at this point I was wondering why he was staying.
 * "Näslund did not dress in the post-season" I'm concerned that this might be jargon to a non-hockey person. Perhaps something like "Näslund did not participate in post-season play"?
 * "at one point during the season he requested to be traded away from Pittsburgh." Can you safely remove "away"?
 * "However, his production slowed down later in the season" Likewise, we can probably drop "down" -- Andy Walsh  (talk)  05:02, 10 November 2010 (UTC)

Thanks Laser Brain, your comments are greatly appreciated. I addressed all the above issues with the exception of his contract with Modo.. still need to find some refs for that info. I'll also have to take a look at that Legends book you mentioned. Cheers. Orlandkurtenbach (talk) 12:53, 18 November 2010 (UTC)