Wikipedia:Peer review/Marwari horse/archive1

Marwari horse
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because it has been listed as a GA and I would like suggestions on what needs to be done before FAC.

Thanks, Dana boomer (talk) 00:48, 1 December 2009 (UTC)

Comments from
 * You said you wanted to know what to work on before taking to FAC, so I looked at the sourcing and referencing with that in mind. I reviewed the article's sources as I would at FAC.
 * What makes the following reliable sources?
 * http://www.horsemarwari.com/index.htm
 * This is run by Francesca Kelly and Raghuvenda Singh, two of the foremost experts on the Marwari horse, who also helped create the breed registry and work closely with the government to promote and protect the breed. Kelly has written a book on the breed.
 * http://www.endurance.net
 * Removed and removed the info associated with it (it wasn't that important anyways, and on a second look could be viewed more as a plug for one particular farm).
 * http://www.dnaindia.com/
 * This website is published by corporations that also own Indias top daily Hindi newspaper and an international cable TV station.
 * Hope this helps. Please note that I don't watchlist Peer Reviews I've done. If you have a question about something, you'll have to drop a note on my talk page to get my attention. (My watchlist is already WAY too long, adding peer reviews would make things much worse.) 18:24, 4 December 2009 (UTC)
 * Thanks for the comments on sources, Ealdgyth, and thanks also for the dash and template tweaks that you made. Dana boomer (talk) 21:40, 4 December 2009 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: While this is generally well done and quite interesting, it needs some work on providing more context to the reader and some language cleanup before it would be ready for FAC. Here are some suggestions for improvement. Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 21:45, 9 December 2009 (UTC)
 * I am not an expert on India, but I know a bit more on it than I do about horses. I think it would be helpful to more clearly identify the regions within India. For example, the lead sentence could be The Marwari or Malani[1] is a breed of horse from the Marwar region of India. This tells the reader a bit more about the horse and etymolgy of its name becomes clearer too.
 * Done.
 * I think I might try to add a bit to the first sentence too - does it really follow this from WP:LEAD in its current state (or is it too short)? The article should begin with a declarative sentence, answering two questions for the nonspecialist reader: "What (or who) is the subject?" and "Why is this subject notable?"[1]
 * I think done. Is there anything else that you would add to this opening sentence?
 * I would also identify clearly where in India Marwar is (perhaps in the lead The Rathores, traditional rulers of the Marwar region of [northwest?] India, ..., definitely in the article). Since Jodhpur is the chief city of Marwar and the region seems to also have been known as that (and the name Jodhpur is probably better known) it might help to mention that somewhere in the lead too (already in the body).
 * Done.
 * I think I would also make clearer in the article where Kathiawar is - perhaps even give a rough distance between it and Marwar, so the reader has a better idea of the physical separation between these two similar breeds
 * Done, I think. I don't think the distance is really necessary, just that they were fairly close.
 * Malani is given in the lead and the infobox, but not explained anywhere. My guess is that it is from another language or dialect, but it should be explained if possible.
 * I'm not really sure. This is a name that came up in a few sources, but none really explained the difference between the two names. I believe both names, as well as the italicized words, come from the Marwari language, but I don't know for sure, and I think that adding this in without a source would be OR.
 * I would also identify all non-English words by their language if possible, so what language is Marwari from? or Malani? Or these four italicized words: "The Marwari often exhibits a natural ambling gait, close to a pace, called the revaal,[6] aphcal[4] or rehwal. .... Horses with long whorls down the neck are called devman and considered lucky, while horses with whorls below their eyes are called anusudhal and are unpopular with buyers.[7]"
 * See above.
 * Slightly awkward - I understand what it means, but had to read it several times before being sure I understood: White horses are bred specifically for religious use in India, but are generally not accepted into Marwari studbooks. perhaps better as Although white horses are bred specifically for religious use in India, they are generally not accepted into Marwari studbooks.
 * Done.
 * For those of us not sure of the subtleties of horse color names, could these be added to the captions of the four Marwari horse photos "A roan Marwari stallion" (or what ever it is). I also was happy to learn a new word - skewbald!
 * Added.
 * Can conformation be linked or explained in The ponies were small and hardy, but with poor conformation...
 * Linked.
 * Out of place chronologically When the Moguls captured northern India in the early 1500s, they brought Turkoman horses that were probably used to supplement the breeding of the Marwari.[6]
 * Fixed.
 * There is a 300 year gap in the history - with the English love of horses, is there no mention of the English and the Marwari during the British Raj?
 * The Brits actually disliked this breed, and tried to wipe it out. I've added the info I can find here.
 * Similarly, the British left when India became independent in 1947, so In the 1950s, the British jagirdari, an act that abolished land ownership by Indian noblemen and hence reduced their ability to take care of animals, resulted in many Marwari horses being sold as pack horses, castrated or killed. seems very odd - a British legal act in the 1950s in India? If it was an earlier act, why did it only adversely affect the horses in the 1950s? It is confusing...
 * Don't really know the answer to this, so removed mention of specific act.
 * Avoid the use of vague time words like today in The intervention of Maharaja Umaid Singhji saved the breed [when?], although its purity is in doubt again today [when?] and Umaid Singhji's grandson, Maharaja Gaj Singh II, also worked to save the breed.[6] or again in Today [Since 1999], the Indigenous Horse Society of India is responsible for setting breed standards and maintaining the breed.
 * Added specification for first part, removed second part about purity due to vagueness. Removed IHS part due to it being superseded by new registry.
 * In fact these two sentences are redundant and I think the first could go: Today, the Indigenous Horse Society of India is responsible for setting breed standards and maintaining the breed. [...one sentence removed here...] In 1999, Kelly and Raghuvendra Singh Dundlod, a descendent of Indian nobility, led a group that founded the Indigenous Horse Society of India, a group that works with the government, breeders and the public to promote and conserve the breed.
 * Actually removed the first sentence, rather than the second. The first has been superseded by recent registry shakeups, but the part about 1995 provides an important stepping stone to the creation of the registry.
 * I would say this is in France The first Marwari was imported to Europe in 2006, when a stallion was given to the Living Museum of the Horse.[14] (Also the British were in India for centuries and never brought a single Marwari home to Europe??)
 * Added French, and again, the Brits disliked these horses, so I have found no mention of them exporting any from India.
 * Another unclear place - what exactly is the Marwari Horse Society of India? Is it separate from the government (as the first sentence seems to imply) or a government body (second sentence)? In late 2007, it was announced that there were plans to create a stud book for the breed, with the Marwari Horse Society of India working together with the Indian government toward this end.[15] In 2009, a registration process was initiated, and it was announced that the Marwari Horse Society was a government body which was the only government-authorized registration society for Marwari horses [or just "for this breed"].
 * Clarified that (from what I can tell) the organization became a government body, although it previously was not.
 * Awkward In a 2007 study, the Marwari was found to be the most genetically distinct breed amongst five of the six Indian horse breeds studied. The other breeds were the Spiti pony, Bhutia pony, Manipuri and Zanskari.[17] How about this instead A 2007 study of all Indian horse breeds except the Kathiawari found the Marwari to be the most genetically distinct breed amongst the five studied.[17]
 * Fixed.
 * Watch WP:OVERLINKing - Thoroughbreds are linked twice in one section, for example.
 * Fixed that one, and didn't see any others.