Wikipedia:Peer review/Maud Gage Baum/archive1

Maud Gage Baum
This peer review discussion has been closed. Maud Gage Baum is the wife of L. Frank Baum, the author of The Wonderful Wizard of Oz. A strong-willed woman, she once forced her husband to eat stale doughnuts because he did not consult with her before buying them. I've listed this article for peer review because I want to receive feedback on the article's prose, structure, and depth. I plan to take the article to WP:GAN.

Thanks, Cunard (talk) 00:16, 22 April 2011 (UTC)


 * Comments by H1nkles

I don't have time for a full indepth review but I do see a few things in a flyover read that should be addressed prior to nomination at WP:GAC
 * Do you have her maiden name? Usually this goes in the first line of the lead.
 * Maud Gage Baum's maiden name is Gage. None of the sources I've reviewed has mentioned her middle name. Cunard (talk) 08:07, 30 April 2011 (UTC)


 * Why are the first three sentences a separate paragraph from the next paragraph in the lead? Consider combining.
 * I separated the first three sentences so that the reader can easily determine who Maud is before plunging into a lengthy paragraph about her life. Combining the paragraphs would overwhelm the reader with detail. Cunard (talk) 08:07, 30 April 2011 (UTC)


 * Read the lead and look for information that is too detailed for a summary of the article. For example, the money she made from teaching allowed her to buy a new rug and furniture.  Perhaps a bit too detailed for a summary?
 * I have condensed the lead. If there is anything else that could be condensed, please let me know. Cunard (talk) 08:25, 8 May 2011 (UTC)


 * You have a lot of detail in the article. Make sure not to bog down in minutiae.  For example the dormitory costs, annual costs and savings if two girls stayed together.  I understand the point is that her attendance in college was very costly and put a strain on the family finances.  But I think this can be communicated without having to give every single detail of every possible cost.  Just my opinion of course.
 * I agree that I have gotten too detailed about Maud's life. I have moved some extra detail to a footnote. Cunard (talk) 08:25, 8 May 2011 (UTC)


 * Check for formatting of the last picture - tombstone of Maud and Frank - in my browser it spills into the references section. Can it be moved up or perhaps the library image can be deleted or moved and replaced with the tombstone.  You have a lot of great images here.
 * Fixed by using -. Cunard (talk) 08:07, 30 April 2011 (UTC)


 * Is there any other information about her life post her husband's death? You have amazing detail of her life up to her husband's death and then the last 34 years of her life are summed up in five sentences.  Seems a bit unbalanced.
 * The sources mostly concentrate on Maud's life with L. Frank Baum. After his death, there has been much less coverage of her. However, I am certain there is more information. I have read from unreliable sources about her winning a lawsuit about Frank's books against one of her sons. When I find reliable sources for that and other information about her life after Baum's death, I will augment the "Later years" section. Cunard (talk) 08:25, 8 May 2011 (UTC)
 * Unfortunately I don't have more time to go through the article thoroughly. I hope this helps get the review started and another editor can come in and give a more indepth review.  H1nkles (talk) citius altius fortius 23:56, 28 April 2011 (UTC)
 * Thank you for the review! I will address your points over the upcoming days. Cunard (talk) 07:57, 30 April 2011 (UTC)