Wikipedia:Peer review/Metroid: Other M/archive1

Metroid: Other M
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I'd like to receive comments on how to improve it. Gary King ( talk ) 05:15, 6 August 2009 (UTC)


 * My first thoughts were "wait until the game comes out," but it seems like you've covered everything that can be. Some stupidly minor grammar things and other stuff:
 * "...a trailer was briefly shown during the Electronic Entertainment Expo 2009," This comma should be a period.
 * "...the game would be a return to the style of the traditional series as opposed to the Prime series, though the game would have a "harder edge"." Maybe you should clarify what this "return to form" is. Also, how does the "harder edge" element correlate to the game being in the Prime series vs. being a traditional Metroid game?
 * "Set between Super Metroid and Metroid Fusion, Sakamoto said..." Maybe I'm the only one who sees this, but in my mind, Sakamoto himself is set between Super Metroid and Metroid Fusion.
 * "In the aforementioned interview, Jeremy Parish expresses worries that..." Say who Jeremy Parish is, and maybe mention 1UP somewhere as well.
 * "Yusuke Hayashi has stated that..." The way this line comes right after Jeremy's interview question, it makes me that Hayashi's quote was not an answer. I don't know how to explain what I'm thinking.  It would sound better to me if you wrote "in response," as opposed to just "he stated."  I guess to me it disconnects the interview question from the answer.
 * "Yoshio Sakamoto confirms that..." I don't know what tense you're supposed to write in, but you've mixed past and present a bit in the article.
 * It's not a lot, but I hope it helps. As far as broader things, I don't know what else there is to do.  The Development section reads more like a What the gameplay will be sort of section, although that can't be helped.  Over time, as previews come out and gameplay elements are solidified, you can start an actual Gameplay section and focus on Other M's pre-release life in the Development section --gakon5 (talk) 19:20, 6 August 2009 (UTC)


 * Okay thanks, all done except for the second point, which are grabbed from an announcement article for the game. These quotes are not expanded on in the original article so that's all we've got. Gary King  ( talk ) 19:37, 6 August 2009 (UTC)