Wikipedia:Peer review/Metroid (series)/archive1

===Metroid (series)===

This peer review discussion has been closed. This article was and is inches from FA, and then I was told Peer Review was back from the dead and I should utilize it. :) So, what separates this from FA? I have the feeling its related to prose and copyediting, so help me hack away, because that's not my strong point. Judgesurreal777 (talk) 16:33, 4 April 2008 (UTC) :Note: Because of its length, this peer review is not transcluded. It is still open and located at Peer review/Metroid (series)/archive1.

Review by User:Bibliomaniac15
This article is pretty good. It's definitely at GA, but it does need an amount of work to get up to FA. Here are some of the problems I found, but I might have missed some. Have you asked User:Igordebraga to look at this?


 * The speedrunning section has some awkward prose, especially this sentence: "Speedrunning is encouraged by the game design as the completion time has often determined what ending a player gets to see, with a shorter time being better."
 * The recurring characters section is a little too in-universe. Try making more references to which games information appears in, such as Adam Malkovich.
 * The image Image:Metroidprime10101.jpg does not specify what article the FUR is for.
 * Are there any common criticisms of the Metroid series? If so, they should be mentioned.

 bibliomaniac 1 5  Hey you! Stop lazing around and help fix this article instead! 02:20, 5 April 2008 (UTC)

Wow, I became a highly regarded editor. (and this request came while I am thinking on how to improve two articles of Metroid) The article is very detailed, so it's hard to look at all the text. Besides what Bibliomaniac said (specially the second and fourth items), so far I could only think of: If I think of anything else, I drop a word. igordebraga ≠ 03:44, 5 April 2008 (UTC)
 * The second paragraph of Reception is a mess. Maybe all games should earn mention?
 * "there is no consistent series logo." Inspired by that, I once thought of including some image normally associated with Metroid, but a proper caption is hard...

Comments from I just looked at sources, and reviewed like I would have for an FAC. (April 13, 2008)
 * What makes http://www.mechadrake.com/metroidmanga.html a reliable source? It's also missing publisher information.
 * http://www.gen-n.net/dyk/002.shtml what makes this reliable? It seems to be mainly a review site.
 * Likewise http://www.n-sider.com/index.php?
 * And http://www.n-retro.com/reportajes/origenmetroid.htm?
 * And http://www.gametrailers.com/index.php?
 * http://www.comingsoon.net/news.php?id=4202 gives the source as Hollywood Reporter. Would be better if you cited the original report.
 * Did the RS Noticeboard ever get a decision on http://www.the-magicbox.com/?

Review by User:Guyinblack25
I finally have some time to review this article. I'll give it a more thorough reading later, but the issues that stand out to me are:
 * The lead
 * In the lead, this sentences seems to wordy. I'd condense it some because most of the content is elaborated in the article. "The Metroid series currently consists of ten games spanning most Nintendo Platforms including from the Nintendo Entertainment System, Super Nintendo, Game Boy, Game Boy Advance, GameCube, and to the Wii."
 * The rest of the lead needs some tweaking too, but that can waiting until the rest of the article is finished.
 * Common gameplay elements
 * Minor tweaks: "The Metroid series games contain elements from shooter, platforming, and adventure games. The y games are notable for their non-linear..."
 * The last paragraph should be merged into the beginning of the first paragraph. I would also tweak it some as it the same content is repeated in "Creation and design" later on. "The original Metroid was influenced by featured gameplay elements from two other major Nintendo franchises, Mario, from which it borrowed extensive areas of platform jumping, and The Legend of Zelda, from which it borrowed platform jumping and non-linear exploration , respectively ."
 * Recurring characters
 * Character names should not be italicized.
 * I would also mention which games the characters appear in the first couple of sentences of their paragraphs; to help give a more out-of-universe perspective.
 * Protagonists
 * Samus Aran needs more information, not a lot though. It looks unbalanced compared to the other content about the characters.
 * Minor tweaks: "The Galactic Federation is as its name suggests, the governing body of the galaxy . The GF, and was formed after numerous space-faring species made contact , and t . T he subsequent cultural convergence led to rapid technological advancements."
 * Antagonists
 * Minor tweaks: " The antagonists of the Metroid series, the A hostile group known as Space Pirates serve as the antagonists of the Metroid series. They are a hostile group of "interstellar nomads" resembling..."
 * Given that the series is named after them, I would consider moving the paragraph about the Metroids to the first paragraph of this section.
 * Story
 * I would switch this section over to regular paragraph form instead of using bullets and further condense the information.
 * Another reason to switch over is it mimics the "Games" sections in appearance.
 * History
 * I would at least briefly mention Metroid II in this section.
 * Audio
 * The game titles need to be italicized.
 * Live-action movie
 * I would trim down the mention of the April Fools Joke. "On April 1, 2005, IGN posted an April Fools' Day article reporting that critically panned director Uwe Boll would be directing the Metroid movie, with Samus herself being portrayed by Michelle Rodriguez, despite her opinion that the GameCube was a "machine for kids" . The supposed movie, with a $19 million budget, would not follow the games' storylines ; and would feature instead, it would have Samus, a "scientist for the government," donning a Power Suit to defend Earth from alien invaders in the near future, in a plot similar to that of Half-Life. At the end of the "report," however, Casamassina reveals the whole article was an April Fools Joke. "
 * Reception
 * Move the "EGM chosing Super Metroid as the best game" a little further down the paragraph.
 * I'm not sure what this part in the music reception is suppose to convey. I'd tweak/reword it some. "...design on the GameCube, and composer Kenji Yamamoto utilizes heavy drums, piano, voiced chants, clangs of pipes, and electric guitar."
 * Combine the last two paragraphs into one larger paragraph to balance the section.

Hope that helps some, I'll do a more in-depth review either tonight or tomorrow. (Guyinblack25 talk 20:04, 21 April 2008 (UTC))