Wikipedia:Peer review/Midge Hadley/archive1

Midge Hadley
I would like to know what other information I should add or how I can improve the prose. Thank you for any suggestions or comments. Tikallover 03:56, 3 March 2007 (UTC)

Review by Awadewit
I think that you have most of the basics here. Here are my suggestions.
 * Why do you describe Midge as a "fictional character" and not just as a doll?
 * Created to oppose controversies aimed at Barbie, Midge was the first same-size female friend of Barbie ever sold, standing at 11 1/2 inches tall. - you should briefly mention these controversies upfront; no need to give her dimensions (save that for later in the article)
 * The dolls sold usually have red hair (although once in a while brunette) with freckles, and her eye color is usually blue or green. - repetition of usually - you might want to leave the brunette information for later in the article
 * In the fictional Barbie storyline, Midge is married to her former boyfriend Allan Sherwood and has two children who are named Ryan and Nikki. - where does this storyline come from - is it on the boxes the dolls come in? videos? books? - it is also awkward to say that she is married to her "former boyfried"
 * You need to expand the lead so that it summarizes the article. See WP:LEAD.
 * You need to tighten up the discussion of hair and whatnot in the "Vintage Years" section. If Midge was introduced as a girl-next-door figure to counter Barbie's sexiness, you must discuss her breasts and waist, Barbie's most famous features. Did she have the same disproportionate features?
 * The first paragraph in the "Return" section is confusing. Some of the sentences sound like Midge actually exists and some of the sentences sound like she is a doll. This happens again at the end of the "Happy Family Line" section.
 * Is "non-pregnant" a word?
 * If you want this to reach good article or featured article status, you are going to have to expand these sections and reference them. See WP:CITE. Inline citations would be a good idea. I noticed that you have several website references at the bottom of the page. You can use those, but scholarly sources are generally preferred. There is a wealth of information on Barbie in general, so you shouldn't have any problems finding information.
 * Are there any more fair-use images available to illustrate the various Midges?
 * You should also probably add the Barbie infobox. You can grab it from the Barbie page.
 * Information that you might want to include: sales figures, background on Barbie, a little more on collecting (there are sometimes collector's versions made specifically for collectors - are there any Midges?), Midge's popularity vs. Barbie, something on her name (why Midge). This is what I thought of right now. Awadewit 09:14, 11 March 2007 (UTC)

Thank you! I'll try to fix those problems. Tikallover 21:11, 11 March 2007 (UTC)