Wikipedia:Peer review/Missing My Baby/archive1

Missing My Baby
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I would like to bring the article to FA status

Thanks, Jona yo!  Selena 4 ever  21:13, 28 January 2012 (UTC)

In general, this article could use an extensive copyedit. It might also be a bit on the short side for FAC - is there any further information available? You might also find it helpful to go through GAN first. Nikkimaria (talk) 21:29, 28 January 2012 (UTC)
 * Brief comments from Nikkimaria
 * Sample length is too long - should be no more than 10% of the complete track
 * Will do, Jona yo!  Selena 4 ever  21:39, 28 January 2012 (UTC)
 * Done! Reduce to 25 seconds (10% of 4:13) Bluesatellite (talk) 03:35, 29 January 2012 (UTC)
 * Thanks Bluesatellite! Best, Jona yo!  Selena 4 ever  03:47, 29 January 2012 (UTC)
 * "Intentionally, "Missing My Baby" was recorded" - what do you mean by "intentionally"?
 * "it's central theme" - "its central theme"
 * I have fixed all concerns. No, I have looked everywhere from google news/books to archives and this is all I can find. So the article won't be good enough (length wise) for FAC? Best, Jona yo!  Selena 4 ever  21:38, 28 January 2012 (UTC)
 * It's not my area of expertise, so I'm not sure. Maybe find someone who frequently reviews music articles there to take a look? Nikkimaria (talk) 21:58, 28 January 2012 (UTC)
 * Will ask thanks for your comments. Best, Jona yo!  Selena 4 ever  03:47, 29 January 2012 (UTC)

Finetooth comments: I'm no expert on single-song FAs either, but I'll give this one a whirl. I agree with that the article could use an extensive copyedit. I fixed a few minor things, but I see more. I don't think there is any strict length minimum at FAC in general, but if I were writing about a single song with the goal of FA in mind, I'd probably choose one that was extraordinary in multiple ways. That doesn't mean that it's impossible to write about every song ever sung, but finding much to say about most of them looks difficult to me, a non-expert. Here, you might be able to add a bit more background for readers who know nothing about Selena or her band. What were her "diverse musical abilities"? How long had she been singing before she recorded this song? How old was she when she was murdered? I personally find the background information more interesting than the interpretation of the lyrics, which sound too thin to need much interpreting. Perhaps your best course of action would be to add a bit more background, seek a copyedit, and try GAN before leaping to FAC. Below are a few more comments, mostly about the lead.


 * The link checker finds one suspicious link here. When I click through on this link in citation 20, it sends me to a general page that doesn't seem to support the claim. Since citation 19 supports the claim, maybe it would be best to delete citation 20.

Lead
 * "It was composed by Selena y Los Dinos backup singer Pete Astudillo as well as her brother and principal record producer A.B. Quintanilla III." - Even though it would be unusual for a woman to be named "Pete", the sentence might be misunderstood to mean that Pete's brother is A.B. Quintanilla III. This could be avoided by changing "her" to "Selena's".


 * "She also wanted the song to be included in the album to help enforce her crossover attempt." - Crossover from what to what? It would be helpful to readers who know nothing about Selena to know what "crossover" meant in this particular instance.


 * "The lyrics convey the love felt by a lover who stays positive and constantly thinks of the happy times she and her lover had as couples." - Why "couples"? Were they not just one couple? Also, can this be stated more succinctly and without repeating "love" or "lover" three times?


 * "Though in some parts of the song, the lover faces negative outcomes because of loneliness and withdrawal from her boyfriend during the night." - Grammar. This is not a complete sentence. Also, it uses a lot of words to say little. Couldn't this sentence be combined with the one that precedes it and compressed to something like "The lyrics convey the happiness of a lover and her loneliness when separated from her mate"?


 * "The song was met with generally positive criticism by contemporary music critics." - Active voice is almost always punchier and less wordy than passive voice. Suggestion: "Contemporary music critics generally praised the song."


 * "It was among the "Most-played clips" - Lowercase "m".


 * "Though the song was never intended to be released as a single for any of Selena's albums, it managed to peak at number 22 on the US Rhythmic Top 40 chart." - I'm not sure what "for any of Selena's albums" means. The sentence would be clear to me if it said, "Though the song was never intended to be released as a single, it managed to peak at number 22 on the US Rhythmic Top 40 singles chart." However, I'm not quite sure that my sentence conveys your intended meaning.

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider commenting on any other article at WP:PR. I don't usually watch the PR archives or make follow-up comments. If my suggestions are unclear, please ping me on my talk page. Finetooth (talk) 19:39, 16 February 2012 (UTC)
 * Please make sure that the existing text includes no copyright violations, plagiarism, or close paraphrasing. For more information on this please see Wikipedia_Signpost/2009-04-13/Dispatches. (This is a general warning given in view of previous problems that have risen over copyvios.)
 * I will be applying your comments by this weekend on the article. Thanks for you're comments. Best, 19:26, 22 February 2012 (UTC)