Wikipedia:Peer review/Monarchy in Canada/archive1

Monarchy in Canada
This article is was nominated to be a featured article and has undergone extensive changes. It has been nominated to have its structure, grammar, and content reviewed as well as to eliminate any inconsistancies and redundancies. JamesOttawa 13:56, 11 April 2006 (UTC)
 * The first sentence should contain the article title in bold, or some approximation of it, as the article title should reflect the subject of the article.
 * Generally English quotations are not italicized (the Queen's title, for example), but foreign languages are (her title in French should remain italicized). Kaisershatner 19:33, 13 April 2006 (UTC)

Comments:


 * Concerning structure/organization:
 * At 80kb this is rather long and may benefit from splitting off sections into sub-articles using Summary style. Since the "History" section of this article is 34 kb, this is the best candidate. The section "Debate on the Canadian monarchy" could be a summary style of Monarchism in Canada as the two are (currently) about the same topic and repeat some info.
 * The size can also be reduced by using more concise and relevant writing. For example, the first two paragraphs in "Constitutional role" are not relevant to this section but should be in the "History" section.
 * Why is that sub-section called "International vs. domestic role" opposed to "International and domestic role"? The "vs." implies that there is some competition between the two but I don't see what that might be.
 * The one-sentence paragraph "Usually the Queen's Canadian governments pay only for the costs..." should be attached to the previous paragraph as they both discuss financial costs of the monarchy.
 * Currently, the "The Crown and the First Nations" section use a series of small paragraphs the describe individual events. This could be better organized as a few larger paragraphs that combine these events by a common theme. For example, the "portraits of the "Four Indian Kings" and the "bicentennial gift" paragraphs could be combined or the "Treaty No. 7" and "Bay of Quinte" paragraphs.
 * That last one-sentence paragraph in "The Crown and the Canadian Forces" could be merged into the first paragraph of that section.
 * I don't think "Organizations under Royal Charter" requires sub-sections - they could probably be better presented as a paragraph or two (and the sub-section "Canadian Organizations with Royal Patronage" has useful explanations that go into the introduction of this section.


 * Concerning the prose:
 * Avoid having sentences starting with numbers, like "16 of these countries are specifically..."
 * Is it possible to simplify this sentence in "International vs. domestic role": "Although, aside from being Queen of Canada, Elizabeth II is also separately Monarch of each of the other Commonwealth Realms, each nation – including Canada – is sovereign and independent of the others." (it seems to run on or be talking about two different things.)
 * "Contrary to common misconception, Canadians do not pay any monies..." probably best just to leave out that first phrase.


 * Concerning the references:
 * The ext.link in "International vs. domestic role" is supposed to be a reference for the 2004 figure of $49 million. Create a footnote out of it.
 * "It has been correctly said since the death of Queen Anne..." may require a footnote unless it can be rewritten so that it isn't a quote or attributing the phrase to somebody.
 * "Recently activists opposed to Bill C-38 lobbied Queen Elizabeth II..." should probably get a footnote to confirm this.
 * The Louis St. Laurent quote in "Cultural role" will require a reference.


 * Other comments:
 * If the sentences at the end of paragraphs in "Constitutional role" (and elsewhere) like "(For more explanation of the Monarch's role, see Governor General of Canada.)" are necessary then format it like that suggested at Wikipedia:Summary style. --maclean 25 05:57, 24 April 2006 (UTC)