Wikipedia:Peer review/Mount Cleveland (Alaska)/archive1

Mount Cleveland (Alaska)
This peer review discussion has been closed.

This is a somewhat short GA right now. I am listing at PR with hopes for input for an FAC. I've combed all the sources for even the minute information bits, so it's as complete as it will be atm. Res Mar 18:16, 25 November 2010 (UTC)

Lede
 * "... symmetrical stratovolcano ..."
 * "... symmetrical stratovolcano (a tall, conical volcano formed from several layers of lava and other eruptive materials) ..."
 * I added the definition in, in what I think is a more elegant way. Res Mar 04:01, 11 December 2010 (UTC)


 * "The native Aleut name for Mount Cleveland, Chuginadak, refers to the Aleut fire goddess, thought to reside in the volcano."
 * "The Aleutian natives named the volcano after their fire goddess, Chuginadak, who is believed to reside in the volcano."
 * Erm, I can't see why this is a needed change. Res Mar 03:26, 11 December 2010 (UTC)
 * Because of the commas, certain clauses can be taken as descriptive (optional) and make the sentence read as "The native Aleut name for Mount Cleveland, Chuginadak, refers to the Aleut fire goddess, thought to reside in the volcano.", which is awkward. That aside, two "Aleut"s seem repetitive.  Jappalang (talk) 09:28, 16 December 2010 (UTC)


 * "Mount Cleveland is one of the most active volcanoes in the arc, having erupted 10 times since 2001."
 * Where is the mention of Mount Cleveland as "one of the most active volcanoes in the arc" in the main text? How does "having erupted 10 times since 2001" qualify that general statement (does it pertain to the entire history or just that time period)?
 * All of the sources basically point out that it is highly active, as does my correspondence with the AVO people. Changed the 10 times to a better indicator. Res Mar 03:26, 11 December 2010 (UTC)

Geography and structure
 * "Mount Cleveland is a nearly symmetrical andesite stratovolcano in the Islands of Four Mountains, a volcanic grouping in the Aleutian Arc."
 * Technical terms might be incomprehensible to layman (concern expanded below).
 * Symmetrical is, well, symmetrical. It is a function mostly of monocrome locality and few anomalies in eruptive cycles, versus rough rift volcanoes like Mauna Kea, for instance. This seems a little too much for an introductory body sentence, however. Andesite is...a type of rock. In this case I would rather just rely on the link. Stratovolcano is now defined in the lead. Res Mar 04:01, 11 December 2010 (UTC)


 * "... two prominent peaks that have since been eroded away, in part by glaciers. The two features measure 1,170 m (3,839 ft) and 1,093 m (3,586 ft) in elevation, and a sample of rhyolite has been recovered from one of them."
 * How can the peaks be measured when they have been "eroded away"? What is the point of the recovery of a sample of rhyolite?
 * Changed the wording. <b style="color:#731A25;">Res</b> Mar 04:24, 11 December 2010 (UTC)


 * "Like many other Aleutian volcanoes, ..."
 * Up to this point, the article mentions only 4 volcanoes. The context for Aleutian as a hotbed region of volcanic activity should have been established earlier.
 * I added a bit on the Aleutian being volcanic in the lead; it should be enough to cement them to "group status." I think added a section on the characteristics of Aleutian volcanoes would be detracting too much from the point. <span style="font-family:Verdana,Arial,Helvetica"><b style="color:#731A25;">Res</b> Mar 04:24, 11 December 2010 (UTC)


 * "... (under 1 km (0.6 mi)) and thin (less than 10 m (33 ft) thick) ..."
 * The Manual of Style discourages nested parantheses of the same form (Manual of Style).
 * Replaced with commas. <span style="font-family:Verdana,Arial,Helvetica"><b style="color:#731A25;">Res</b> Mar 04:24, 11 December 2010 (UTC)


 * "Mount Cleveland's naming is a reference to its constant activity, and shows that it was likely highly active even in the distant past."
 * How does the name "Mount Cleveland" refer to a constant activity?
 * Oy, good catch :) <span style="font-family:Verdana,Arial,Helvetica"><b style="color:#731A25;">Res</b> Mar 04:24, 11 December 2010 (UTC)


 * "... are Vulcanian and Strombolian by nature ..."
 * Why are these two terms capitalized?
 * Both are proper adjectives (nouns? I'm not good at grammer). Vulcanian eruption comes after Vulcano, which also happens to lend its name to volcanoes in general. Strombolian eruption comes after Stromboli. Both are distinctive, low-level eruptive styles, characterized by small but frequent eruptions. Types of volcanic eruptions is a very good reference. <span style="font-family:Verdana,Arial,Helvetica"><b style="color:#731A25;">Res</b> Mar 04:24, 11 December 2010 (UTC)
 * "Vulcanian eruption" is be a proper noun but "vulcanian" itself is just an adjective. Jappalang (talk) 09:28, 16 December 2010 (UTC)
 * I disagree, but you seem better informed on this than me, so I changed it. <span style="font-family:Verdana,Arial,Helvetica"><b style="color:#731A25;">Res</b> Mar 05:10, 20 December 2010 (UTC)


 * "The native Aleut name for Mount Cleveland is Chuginadak (the name currently given to the island as a whole), referring to the Aleut fire goddess, thought to reside in the volcano. Mount Cleveland's naming is a reference to its constant activity, and shows that it was likely highly active even in the distant past."
 * This is an almost exact copy of the lede; see above for my suggested rephrasing.


 * "Its current name is derived from a U.S. Coast and Geodetic Survey in 1894, when it was originally observed by the USS Concord; like the other volcanoes in the Four Islands group, Mount Cleveland was named after prominent American politicians at the time, Cleveland itself being named after then-president Grover Cleveland."
 * Aside from what I think is a repetitive sentence structure at the end, the use of "derive" is incorrect here; it would imply that the Survey gave the volcano some name that later became "Mount Cleveland", which does not seem to be the case. Suggestion: "Its current name was given during a U.S. Coast and Geodetic Survey conducted by the USS Concord in 1894.  The volcanoes in the Four Islands group were named after prominent United States politicans in the 1890s, and Mount Cleveland was named after then-president Grover Cleveland."
 * Done. <span style="font-family:Verdana,Arial,Helvetica"><b style="color:#731A25;">Res</b> Mar 04:49, 11 December 2010 (UTC)

Eruptive history
 * I believe "History of eruptions" or "History of eruptive activity" would be a clearer title (to the layman).
 * Um, what? History of bleck is not better then Bleckish history, it only really makes the title clunkier; I've used it on other articles, without complaint... <span style="font-family:Verdana,Arial,Helvetica"><b style="color:#731A25;">Res</b> Mar 04:49, 11 December 2010 (UTC)


 * "The first notable eruption ..."
 * Who stated it as the "first notable eruption"?
 * I did. :) I can't really think of any better way to lead off the paragraph, but really, this was THE most notable eruption in its known history, period. <span style="font-family:Verdana,Arial,Helvetica"><b style="color:#731A25;">Res</b> Mar 04:49, 11 December 2010 (UTC)


 * "... which dispersed an unusual distance across much of Alaksa ..."
 * What was "an unusual distance"?


 * "In addition low resolution allows minor events to go by unnoticed."
 * "Low resolution" what?
 * Satellites. Done. <span style="font-family:Verdana,Arial,Helvetica"><b style="color:#731A25;">Res</b> Mar 04:49, 11 December 2010 (UTC)


 * "... made an effort to expand eruptive coverage ..."
 * They made an effort to expand the volcano's activity beyond a certain coverage? Is the intended meaning supposed to be "... made an effort to expand their coverage of eruptive activity ..."?  "Eruptive coverage" does not seem to be a proper construct at all.
 * Exchanged for volcanic: better? <span style="font-family:Verdana,Arial,Helvetica"><b style="color:#731A25;">Res</b> Mar 04:49, 11 December 2010 (UTC)

Image
 * File:USA Alaska location map.svg: Per WP:IUP, WP:CITE, and commons:Commons:Image casebook, what is the base map? It is doubtful that  can come up with the detailed isles and river bends on his own.  What is the data or public domain map that this work was created from?
 * Not something I can do anything with. This is the standard map for Alaska in infoboxes, and it's the same format and, probably, source for ALL of the states/countries that use the map box. I'm sure it's written down somewhere, just...I don't know where. <span style="font-family:Verdana,Arial,Helvetica"><b style="color:#731A25;">Res</b> Mar 04:49, 11 December 2010 (UTC)

I think this article is over-relying on links to other articles to explain technical terms (of which the article is quite full of). Linking to other articles for technical terms would be fine if they (the terms) are scattered or few, and more importantly the gist of which are supported/hinted at by context or explained. Here, however, the terms are presented bare. Readers, hence, would be confused by the terms used and have to navigate to another article to clarify their thoughts. They might never return to the article on Mount Cleveland. Instead of constantly linking to other articles, sentences with technical terms can be rephrased to add context (thus hinting to the meaning of the terms) or have the terms explained to help readers instead.

There are also several instances of "noun plus -ing" constructs in the article, which Tony1 has explained as undesirable in most cases (User:Tony1/Noun plus -ing). There are also several sentence constructs (examples of which are above) that I found slightly awkward. Overall, I think a finding an experienced copy-editor could help smooth the prose. Jappalang (talk) 06:54, 4 December 2010 (UTC)
 * I had completely forgotten about this! Tisk, how incompetent of me ;) <span style="font-family:Verdana,Arial,Helvetica"><b style="color:#731A25;">Res</b> Mar 03:14, 11 December 2010 (UTC)
 * Ok, -ing is indeed rampart. By overlinking technical terms, I think you mean the second to last paragraph in Structure, which I'll get to. <span style="font-family:Verdana,Arial,Helvetica"><b style="color:#731A25;">Res</b> Mar 04:56, 11 December 2010 (UTC)
 * OK, I've addressed all issues: take a look-see :) <span style="font-family:Verdana,Arial,Helvetica"><b style="color:#731A25;">Res</b> Mar 03:07, 15 December 2010 (UTC)