Wikipedia:Peer review/Mr. Freeze/archive1

Mr. Freeze

 * A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for May 2008.
 * A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for May 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because… I want to know what needs to be done, so it can become a future GA and maybe even become an FA.

Thanks, --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 01:08, 18 May 2008 (UTC)

Comment:This is a generally well written article, but I think it needs expansion in some areas. Overall, this is a great article! Andrzejbanas (talk) 18:39, 22 May 2008 (UTC)
 * In "Other Versions" seems pretty minimal and might not deserve it's own tiny section. Either get rid of it or expand it or incoporate it into the article. Also, the average reader probably doesn't know who Elijah Snow or Planetary is so that could be explained.
 * Well, I've combined the paragraph to the "Modern Age" section. --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 19:57, 22 May 2008 (UTC)
 * 1960's TV Series, Freeze's name shouldn't be bold.Both the 60's and New Adventures section seem very tiny in comparison to the Animated series information on the character.
 * I unbolded Freeze. Question: Do you want me to expand more character info. on the 60's TV show or would you like some info. from the Animated series to be shortened up? --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 19:57, 22 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Justice League section has no citations --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 19:37, 22 May 2008 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: As asked, here are my comments. I think the article has a lot of information, here are some suggestions for improvement: Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Peer review/backlog. Yours, Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 04:28, 24 May 2008 (UTC)
 * A model article is useful for ideas and to follow for style, refs, structure, etc. There are some comic character FAs: Captain Marvel (DC Comics), Batman, Superman and even Watchmen, that may be useful models.
 * For a character who started life in print, there is relatively little on his comic book appearances, especially before the first Batman TV series. See WP:WEIGHT
 * There are many short paragraphs and sections (one or two sentences), which makes for choppy reading and interrupts flow. Either expand these or combine them with other paragraphs or sections.
 * Format of references looks good - needed information seems to be included - make sure that the sources meet WP:RS, for example are action-figure.com or mobygames.com reliable sources?
 * Action-Figure is to cite the fact about the toy merchandise and Mobygames.com is to explain that Freeze makes the appearances in the video games. --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 20:16, 26 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Since this is about a fictional character, make sure to write from an out of universe perspective, see WP:IN-U
 * Also make sure to provide context to the reader - explain In the Pre-Crisis continuity perhaps --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 20:16, 26 May 2008 (UTC)
 * Avoid needless repetition - the lead should summarize the article, but the story of Freeze's wife is given more than once in the article (as one example)
 * Article needs a copyedit to clean up a bit - for example Freeze has found a home in the Arctic and somewhat started a family with his adopted son, Kunac, his frozen wife, Nora, and his two pet polar bears, Notchka and Chokka. what does "somewhat started a family" mean?
 * Please use my examples as just that - these are not an exhaustive list and if one example is given, please check to make sure there are not other occurrences of the same problem
 * There are six fair use images in the article - this may be a problem at GA or FA.
 * Articles like Captain Marvel and Batman have more fair use images. --  ThinkBlue  (Hit BLUE) 23:43, 24 May 2008 (UTC)