Wikipedia:Peer review/Murder of María José Reyes and Juan Duarte/archive1

Murder of María José Reyes and Juan Duarte
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because sadly the main contributor retired from Wikipedia and it would be great to see this article on the main page. Regards. Kürbis (✔) 12:39, 21 September 2012 (UTC) These comments probably won't be very extensive, but hopefully more useful than a blank space.
 * Yomangani's comments
 * It needs a good copyedit before a peer review will be much help; there are some poor word choices in the translations and odd sentence structures.
 * The lead could bear the two dates rather than just "in July"
 * I'm not sure all the location details are necessary for Lolol in the lead. Just Lolol, Chile would be fine.
 * The section title "Attacks" carries a implication that they weren't fatal. "Murders" would be better.
 * 'Most accounts say that Duarte went on 10 July 2012 to Óscar López's antique shop "to purchase an iron stick"' - there is only one source cited and the citation for the next sentence provides a different account. Providing additional sources for the "most accounts" would help here.
 * "Iron bar" would be a better translation for "fierro" but I suspect that "a piece of ironwork" might be safer.
 * The article swaps from American to British English. I'd suggest American English throughout as there is more American vocabulary (and "Mommy" is probably more widely understood than "Mummy")
 * The introduced halfway down the page looks odd; the image layout is poor generally.
 * I'm not sure how much value the bios of the victims or the details of their funerals add.
 * "finding the decapitated body of another victim" - this makes it sound as if they found a third victim ("another victim" apart from the two we already know about). It is cleared up by the next clause but rephrasing this would help.
 * " there was suspicion that López Rodríguez might also have killed Manuel Fuenzalida Piña" - was this dismissed after they failed to find a body or is he still suspected?
 * "However, his actions are to be investigated whether they adhered to the rules of Carabineros or not." - when? Has this happened?
 * There seems to be little procedural aftermath - are there any recommendations for the police or mental health services? Yomangani talk 00:55, 27 September 2012 (UTC)