Wikipedia:Peer review/My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic/archive1

My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic
This peer review discussion has been closed. Article failed a GA assessment, and I want to hear from someone else about any remaining issues left unchecked from the initial GA review. Rain bow  Dash  18:22, 10 July 2011 (UTC)
 * I forgot to mention that the DA references are from the show's creator, and thus are considered a reliable source. Rain  bow  Dash  18:30, 10 July 2011 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: ALthough a bit about My Little Pony, I have never seen this show. Thanks for your work on the article; here are some suggestions for improvement.
 * A model article is useful for ideas and examples to follow. There are three FAs on animated tv series that may be useful models: Animaniacs (a farily old FA and does not follow all the current criteria as well as the others), The Real Adventures of Jonny Quest and The Simpsons
 * There is a toolbox on this PR page - it shows some dead external links. I also noted IMDB is used as a source - it is often not considered a reliable source, so I would be very careful using it.
 * The same toolbox finds at least one disambiguation link and a bad redirect
 * I would look at both unsuccessful GA reviews and make sure that all of the points raised in them were addressed. They tended to focus on the reliability of sources used, so I think there are some things that would be issues in a future GAN that were not mentioned in these. I also think that the IMDB issue was raised in at least one of the GANs.
 * When I look at this article the structure seems unusual, so I looekd at the model FAs. They all start with a background or history section, and given the fact that there have been previous tv shows based on the existing My Little Pony toys, I think that this should too. See provide context to the reader
 * The Releases sections are not mentioned in the lead, which should be an accessible and inviting overview of the whole article. My rule of thumb is to include every header in the lead in some way
 * Nothing important should be in the lead only - since it is a summary, it should all be repeated in the body of the article itself
 * The language is rough in spots - it does not have to be perfect for GA, but in the lead I am really not sure what this run-on sentence means Despite the target demographic of young girls, the show has gained a large following from male teenagers, in combination between Faust's direction and characterization, the animation style created through Flash and themes aimed for an older audience, and a reciprocal response from the creators in response to the fans. I would split this (end the first sentence at "... male teenagers.") I am not sure what the rest of the sentence is trying to say exactly.
 * Waych out for writing from an in-universe perspective - many readers will not have seen the show or be familiar with it, so background and context and an out of univers perspective are needed, - see WP:IN-U
 * I would also read WP:WAF
 * Another sentence that is way too long and awkward For Faust, My Little Pony was one of her favorite toys from her childhood,[6] but was disappointed that the adventures that her own childhood imagination created while she played with the toys were nothing like the animated shows in which the ponies had "endless tea parties, giggled over nothing and defeated villains by either sharing with them or crying".[7] I would get a copy edit.
 * Avoid needless repetition Due to intellectual property issues, Hasbro had lost some of the rights on the original pony names, and as such, Faust's show includes a mix of original characters from the toy line and new characters developed for the show.[6] in Development and Applejack and Spike are the only Generation 1 characters to remain, due to Hasbro losing copyright on the other Generation 1 names.[10] in First season
 * Avoid use of vague time terms like currently as these can quickly become out of date. ''The show has been renewed for a second season and is currently in development, with Top Draw Animation animating the second season.[13] During production, Lauren Faust officially stated ...
 * Also the MOS says to use the full name of a person on first mention and just the last name after that (except for direct quotes and for people who sahre a last name) so just Faust after the first mention in the lead and perhaps in the body.
 * Refs are not all complete. Internet refs need URL, title, author if known, publisher and date accessed. cite web and other cite templates may be helpful. See WP:CITE and WP:V
 * I know you say "DA" is reliable when quoting Faust, but what makes this a RS? http://www.mylittleponynews.com/2011/03/ticket-master-dvd.html
 * Please make sure that the existing text includes no copyright violations, plagiarism, or close paraphrasing. For more information on this please see Wikipedia_Signpost/2009-04-13/Dispatches. (This is a general warning given in all peer reviews, in view of previous problems that have risen over copyvios.)

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 03:30, 27 July 2011 (UTC)