Wikipedia:Peer review/Myst V: End of Ages/archive1

Myst V: End of Ages

 * A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for October 2008.
 * A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for October 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed. I'd like to get this to FA at some point, so comments on all aspects (images/sources/grammar) would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance, Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs ( talk  ) 19:56, 27 October 2008 (UTC)


 * COMMENTS
 * Lead
 * "After Myst's release" – "After End of Ages's release"?
 * "copies by 2007" – "copies by 2007" – so by January 1, 2007? Or December 31, 2007? It'd probably be better to say "By the end of 2006" then.


 * Gameplay
 * "series, where" – "series where"
 * "carved into using" – "carved using"
 * "mouse, creating shapes" – "mouse to create shapes"
 * "If a player wants to climb a ladder, for example, he or she will have to leave the slate behind." – "For example, the player must leave the slate behind before they can climb a ladder."
 * "End of Ages features several features" – "End of Ages has several features"
 * "to aid on completion of puzzles" – "designed to help the player complete puzzles"
 * "a player journal" – "a journal" – or expand on it a bit, like "a journal that the player can access" to clarify that this is not in the game's universe
 * "Player's interactions" – "Player interactions"
 * "via an encounter journal" – "via another journal" – "encounter journal" I assume is what it's called but it has no meaning for us

If I've got more time I'll go through the rest later. Gary King ( talk ) 19:22, 28 October 2008 (UTC)
 * Snappy response, I like the service around here :P I'll get on the above, thanks! Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs ( talk  ) 19:24, 28 October 2008 (UTC)


 * "series sold" – "series, sold"
 * "the switch " – "The switch "
 * "realtime" – "real-time"
 * "was generally seen" – How can it be general with only one reference?
 * "A few reviewers, such as Charles Herold of the New York Times," – "Charles Herold of the New York Times"
 * "compared the prerendered" – "when compared to the prerendered"

Gary King ( talk ) 14:58, 3 November 2008 (UTC)
 * Added a few more refs to the statement, it looks like you got the others. Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs ( talk  ) 13:12, 4 November 2008 (UTC)

Just a quick review. Jappalang (talk) 23:02, 28 October 2008 (UTC)
 * Jappalang's brief comments from a quick glance
 * You are going to give Tony fits with "with missing pages appearing translucent", "with the player responding", etc ("noun plus -ing")
 * "the player's view remains static at all times.": Does this mean that throughout the whole game, the screen never changes (i.e. the same text, pictures, etc).
 * I would say that "fixed" is the same as "static". The problem is that the context is "Myst V: End of Ages is a first-person adventure game"; hence, "player's view" can be taken as the screen display (and not the "player's point of view" I presume it is supposed to mean).  The explanation of the Classic Myst's navigation scheme should be clearer.  Note also that "where players travelled across Ages by clicking on pre-rendered environments" could perhaps be moved away from the earlier mention and used as the explanation for Classic movement.  I am not too certain if by Classic movement, does the display scroll along (update) with a fixed point of view as one moves forward by clicking on pre-rendered environment (something like classic Wizardry); or by clicking, the screen updates to the location instantly with a pre-rendered view of the location.
 * Suggestion: "Myst V: End of Ages is a first-person adventure game. Players travel across several worlds known as "Ages", solving puzzles and gathering clues by reading books or observing the environment. Unlike earlier games in the series, End of Ages offers three navigation modes to explore the Ages. The first, "Classic mode", uses the controls of Myst and Riven. Each location of interest (node) is represented by a two-dimensional picture, which is pre-rendered and static.  Players move to other nodes across the Ages by clicking on spots of entries on the picture.  The "Classic Plus" mode uses the controls of Myst III: Exile and Myst IV: Revelation.  Players again can only move from node to node; however, each node is represented in the three dimensions (3D) and players can look around in any direction, albeit from a fixed reference point.  In the final navigation mode, known as "Free Look" or "Advanced" mode, the game world is fully represented in 3D.  Using the WASD keyboard keys, players can move in any direction and travel among the nodes and their connecting spaces.  Players can also change their point of view by using the mouse."  What do you think of this?  I am trying to bring out the concepts of travel, but might have some of them wrong and be too technical on others.  Not entirely certain of the language in my suggestion too...
 * Last paragraph of Reception: "[...] Cyan announced the layoff [...] the employees a few weeks later." How does this relate to the game in question?  Why did they layoff the staff (we know by common sense it would be financial difficulties, but without stating so, one is left to wonder if there were exceptional reasons in play here).
 * It might be more relevant in Development-Release, but it still has questions unanswered. We do not know why Cyan Worlds let go their staff, and why hiring most of them back later would be "[pulling] a rabbit out of a hat".  A greater context is needed here (I would hazard details of the financial situation of Cyan Worlds are in order) to make sense of those statements.  It would also be best if that context is related to Myst V, such as the company's reliance on the game to sell in large numbers to improve their situation, or the game's cost was so high that it crippled the company, etc.
 * Definitely better.
 * Some terms might need explanation even if they are direct quotes of the sources. For example, we have "environmental effects linked to the slates offered urgency to puzzle-solving and a "liberating feeling" of unlocking areas of exploration." as the last sentence now; so, what are environmental effects and how would they increase the urge to solve a puzzle or make a player feel relieved on unlocking an area? Note also "unlocking areas" is a jargon that has not been explained earlier.
 * Dave, "Gamespot found that the slate puzzles offered urgency to solving and was a positive addition." is more puzzling... If GameSpot does not adequately explain how the slates make players feel that way, perhaps a full or partial quote is in order (let the readers figure out what Kasavin is trying to say).
 * I'll get going on the removal of the ing stuff. As for the last paragraph, I moved it to versions and renamed it to release, since it's more relevant there. How does it look now? Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs ( talk  ) 00:09, 29 October 2008 (UTC)
 * I have commented on the changes inline following my above opinions and added one more. Jappalang (talk) 02:50, 29 October 2008 (UTC)
 * I've taken a stab at contextualizing your gameplay and release points: take a look? Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs ( talk  ) 00:31, 30 October 2008 (UTC)
 * Made further comments inline as above. Jappalang (talk) 05:20, 30 October 2008 (UTC)
 * Ok, I went through and rewrote the section to the equivalent of what you said above, removing some errors that didn't make sense (but you haven't played the game, so I wouldn't expect you to know :P) The prerendered-rendered distinction wasn't really helping clear up anything in gameplay, so I left it to development to explain the distinction. Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs ( talk  ) 13:01, 2 November 2008 (UTC)
 * Seems all the issues I raised above are resolved. Jappalang (talk) 02:43, 3 November 2008 (UTC)