Wikipedia:Peer review/Mystikal discography/archive1

Mystikal discography
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I've extensively redeveloped it based on the other FLCs I've been involved in. Any criticism would be welcome if it improves the page.

Thanks, I Am Rufus   &bull;  Conversation is a beautiful thing.  11:51, 4 July 2012 (UTC)

Comments:


 * Put a period after "South Coast Music Group, Inc. and Big Boy" instead of a colon. The preceding material doesn't directly introduce what follows, and a period suffices.


 * Same goes for "number 13 on the US Top R&B/Hip-Hop Albums chart": a period afterward, not a colon.


 * "with Jive distibuting the album rather then No Limit's parent label, Priority Records": "Jive distributed the album..." etc. is better. See WP:PLUSING


 * "peaked within the top 5" --> "peaked in the top 5" ("within" and "in" have different meanings; "within" implies a proximity to something or boundaries around something, so "in" is better here)


 * "Both of the albums featured only one single, "Ain't No Limit" and "That's the Nigga" respectively, both of which peaked within the top 65 of the Hot R&B/Hip-Hop Songs chart.": I recommend breaking this into two sentences, and removing "only" as follows: "Each of the albums featured one single, "Ain't No Limit" and "That's the Nigga", respectively. Both songs peaked in the top 65 of the Hot R&B/Hip-Hop Songs chart."


 * "Canada, Germany and the United Kingdom": Use a period after these words, not a colon.


 * "charted within the top 15": "within" to "in"


 * "and also achieved success in several overseas territories" --> "and achieved success in several other countries"


 * "released on December 18, 2001": Period, not a colon, after this.


 * ""Bouncin' Back (Bumpin' Me Against the Wall)" became Mystikal's third and final song as the lead artist to appear on the Billboard Hot 100, peaking at number 37, and also charted in the United Kingdom": This could be rephrased for clarity. I would suggest removing "as the lead artist" because that's implicit in saying it was his song. I would then recommend putting a period after "Billboard Hot 100". Start the next sentence, "It peaked at 37 and cherted in the United Kingdom."


 * "In 2004, following Mystikal's sending to prison on a charge of battery": This isn't completely grammatical. I would suggest saying something like: "After Mystikal began serving a prison term in 2004 on a battery charge"


 * " Following his release from prison": Please tell us when this is/was.


 * "will be released" --> "is to be released". We can't predict the future.


 * The rest of it looks in line with other discography FLs I looked at. No big issues there, I think. Fix these relatively minor prose issues, and as far as I can tell it's FL-ready. Hope this helps.--Batard0 (talk) 23:42, 22 July 2012 (UTC)


 * Dealt with everything. Thanks! I Am Rufus   &bull;  Conversation is a beautiful thing.  09:53, 23 July 2012 (UTC)