Wikipedia:Peer review/Narwhal/archive3

Narwhal


I've listed this article for peer review because I'm preparing it for FAC. Will not close the PR until I'm given the green light. I'm mostly here for a thorough prose review.

Thanks, Wolverine XI   ( talk to me ) 08:34, 5 April 2024 (UTC)


 * I'll give it a read and provide some comments. The Morrison Man (talk) 07:59, 8 April 2024 (UTC)
 * Thank you for taking this on. Wolverine XI   ( talk to me ) 15:33, 10 April 2024 (UTC)


 * I'll also have a look soon, but please let's take it slowly and by the books this time. Doing things fast is not going to get it ready for FAC. FunkMonk (talk) 23:48, 14 April 2024 (UTC)
 * 👍 Wolverine XI   ( talk to me ) 04:19, 16 April 2024 (UTC)
 * Are you still interested? Wolverine XI   ( talk to me ) 06:50, 11 May 2024 (UTC)

No idea how much time I have, but happy to make a start with a review here:
 * Lead - no need to cite the first mention of narwhal in the infobox.
 * Moved
 * Lead - Suggest removing the second sentence. No need to bombard readers with jargon this soon, and the information is mostly contained in the infobox
 * Actioned
 * Lead - pigmentation leads to pigment, which is a bit of awkward link. Should it be linked to Biological pigments instead? I'm not quite sure what it means.
 * Fixed
 * Lead - The narwhal inhabits Arctic waters, and is only vulnerable to predatory attacks from polar bears, orcas and humans.. The word only doesn't seem supported by the body (right?). Probably reads easier without too
 * Fixed
 * Taxonomy - He later assigned it as "Monocerote" --> awkward. He later assigned it to "Monocerote"
 * Done
 * Taxonomy - Its name is derived from the Old Norse word nár feels awkward, aybe rewrite as --> Its name comes from the Old Norse word nár, meaning "corpse," which possibly refers to the animal's gray, mottled skin and its habit of remaining motionless at the water's surface, a behavior known as "logging" that usually happens in the summer.
 * Fixed
 * Taxonomy - wikilink extant and gloss
 * Done
 * Taxonomy - wikilink porpoises
 * Done
 * Taxonomy - more closely related to the white whales --> more closely then what?
 * Done
 * Description - Is Macdonald (2001) sufficiently recent to support a statement about sexual maturity?
 * Replaced
 * Description - Old males may be almost pure white. Is this also true for females? The FAO source seems to imply this. NOAA also doesn't distinguish between sexes
 * Fixed
 * Description - The purpose of the narwhal tusk is debated. --> Needs a modern source. A lot may have changed since 1981.
 * Replaced
 * Description - According to a 2014 study --> Is this now accepted knowledge? Discredited? A lot can have changed since
 * Yes, the study is cited in later publications.
 * Description - The narwhal has several small vestigial teeth that reside in open tooth sockets which are situated in the upper jaw -->
 * "which are situated" is unnecessary.
 * Not a native speaker, but reside feels weird here. Humans reside in places, right? What is an "open tooth socket"?
 * Already fixed
 * Behaviour and ecology - A study of the stomach contents of 73 narwhals --> surely there have been more studies done since, right? Can we rephrase this in more general using recent reviews?
 * Couldn't find anything
 * Behaviour and ecology - I don't understand During summer population counts along different coastal inlets of Baffin Island, calf numbers varied from 0.05% to 5% of the total numbering from 10,000 to 35,000 narwhals, suggesting that higher calf counts may reflect calving and nursery habitats in favourable inlets. Can you rephrase, perhaps in two sentences?
 * Slight rephrase
 * Behaviour and ecology - Calves are dependent on milk for around 20 months --> dead link in source. Is there something more recent you can cite?
 * Added
 * Behaviour and ecology - A few key reasons align for this --> align is incorrect here. There are a few potential reasons for this (?)
 * Fixed
 * Behaviour and ecology - concluded that 5 species of Odontoceti --> can we say toothed whale here? I don't think jargon has any additional purpose.
 * Fixed
 * Behaviour and ecology - that female narwhals can live to be as old as 115 ± 10 years and male narwhals for 84 ± 9 years --> Are there more studies confirming this? A bit dated maybe?
 * No, it's widely accepted and cited.
 * Behaviour and econoly - The species is thought to go through menopause; during this phase, females may continue to take care of calves in the pod --> Do we now know this with more certainty? The next paragraph seems to imply this.
 * Yes
 * The text still says "are thought to", which implies this is uncertain. If it's a fact, just say: "the species goes through menospause". —Femke 🐦 (talk) 13:39, 5 May 2024 (UTC)
 * Fixed
 * Suggest enlarging your images to upright=1.35 or something. They're high-quality and the old defaults of tiny images shouldn't restrict you.
 * Fixed
 * The alt "Polar feeding/scavenging on a dead narwhal" seems to be missing the word bear.
 * Fixed
 * Overall, your alts are a often too similar to the caption. Alts are about what a blind reader misses when they use screen readers.
 * Sometimes, a alt=see caption works if the caption is already clear. This may be an option for Meteorite iron harpoon 2023, where the alt now duplicates the caption. (You may be able to describe it better instead).
 * Someitmes, you should dedicate more text, for instance in describing what is seen in the graph. WP:ALTTEXT gives more information.
 * For the tail fluke one, you may want to say something like "Photo showing narwhal tail flukes, which are broad, flat, horizontal tail fins". Or something like that.
 * Actioned
 * Conservation - As narwhals grow, bioaccumulation takes place --> of what?
 * I don't get the question.
 * What gets accumulated? I need to wait two sentences to see it's heavy metals. The last bit of the paragraph relies on the 1983 study. Is there a more recent review of studies on this? Or a more recent primary source with a good introduction? —Femke 🐦 (talk) 13:44, 5 May 2024 (UTC)
 * Fixed
 * Conservation - Narwhals are one of the most vulnerable Arctic marine mammals to climate change due to altering sea ice coverage in their environment, especially in their northern wintering grounds such as the Baffin Bay and Davis Strait regions. --> due to sea ice decline. More concise.
 * Fixed
 * Conservation --> It is thought that narwhals' foraging ranges .. Again, it is thought represents uncertainty. Has this been resolved scientifically? A more recent source may be able to say this with more confidence.
 * I'm afraid not.
 * Conservation: They emerged during the late Pliocene epoch and, therefore, must have undergone adaptation to glacials and climate change. This implies they may be adaptable to current climate change. The paper is however about a region where there was temporarily more sea ice. Better to use more recent sourcing.
 * Used 2020 source
 * more vulnerable to harvesting --> you don't harvest living creatures, you hunt them.
 * Fixed
 * Two more instances of "harvest" here. I realise the source uses this word, but it comes across are very odd to me. —Femke 🐦 (talk) 14:03, 5 May 2024 (UTC)
 * Fixed
 * history.com (your last source) is generally considered unreliable. Please replace with a RS.
 * Replaced

That's all from me. Overall, it's probably best to first focus on sourcing. You cite quite a few old archived websites and scientific papers. Do newer sources (from the last 10-15 years, sometimes last 5 years) still agree? When you've updated your sources, a visit to WP:GOCE can't harm. I'm not the best with prose, but could easily give suggestions.

—Femke 🐦 (talk) 20:12, 20 April 2024 (UTC), 07:56, 21 April 2024 (UTC), 13:07, 21 April 2024 (UTC)


 * I'll implement your suggestions later. Wolverine XI   ( talk to me ) 22:04, 20 April 2024 (UTC)

Comments to follow. - SchroCat (talk) 06:15, 13 May 2024 (UTC)
 * SC


 * Did you forget about this? Wolverine XI   ( talk to me ) 11:00, 19 May 2024 (UTC)
 * Hi Wolverine, Not forgotten, no. I just need to be in the right frame of mind to do a full review for a subject I have low interest in! I’ve been a bit busy at work too, which hasn’t helped, but I hope to be here soon. Cheers - SchroCat (talk) 16:09, 19 May 2024 (UTC)

Done to the start of Communication; more to follow. - SchroCat (talk) 08:27, 20 May 2024 (UTC)
 * Description
 * "are shared by the closely related beluga whale": don’t need "closely related" (you've told us that in the previous section)
 * Tusk
 * Just a suggestion, but the two sentences "The tusk grows throughout the animal's life, reaching an average of 1.5 to 2.5 m (4.9 to 8.2 ft). Tusks can sometimes reach lengths of up 3 m (9.8 ft)." could be rendered as "The tusk grows throughout the animal's life, reaching an average of 1.5 to 2.5 m (4.9 to 8.2 ft), although they can sometimes reach lengths of up 3 m (9.8 ft)."
 * "a scientific consensus, and tusks are widely acknowledged to be secondary sexual characteristics" -> "a scientific consensus that tusks are secondary sexual characteristics which indicate"?
 * Migration
 * "Narwhals from Canada and West Greenland winter regularly visit the pack ice": either the grammar has gone awry here, or it's unclear what you're saying. Either way, I think a slight rephrasing is needed. The rest of the sentence is also a little unclear, but I'm hoping the work on the first part may explain the second part.
 * Diet
 * "specialized diet" -> "specialised diet"
 * Breeding
 * "At birth, calves are white or light grey in colour": in the Description section, you said that "The skin is darkest at birth, and pales over time": these can't both be true

That's my lot. I hoped it all helped. Cheers - SchroCat (talk) 16:18, 20 May 2024 (UTC)
 * Communication
 * "vocalize" -> "vocalise"
 * "frequency of these sounds range from": as 'frequency' is singular, it should be 'ranges'
 * "similar to that of the closely related beluga" -> "similar to that of the beluga"
 * Conservation
 * "roughly 837 narwhals in the waters off Svalbard": 837 is rather accurate number to describe as "roughly"
 * "In 1972 Marine Mammal Protection Act" -> "In the 1972 Marine Mammal Protection Act"
 * Threats
 * "teeth, tusks, and carved vertebrae": I don't think you use the serial comma elsewhere. Whether you do or don't is up to you, but it should be consistent
 * "However the net income": 'However' should only rarely be used at the beginning of a sentence, so consider reframing this. If you insist on keeping it there, it should be followed by a comma
 * "blubber was nearly devoid of these metals, whereas the liver and kidneys had a dense concentration of these metals": -> "a dense concentration of them" ("metals" appears five times in this quite short para)
 * "Narwhals are one of the most vulnerable Arctic marine mammals to climate change": -> "Narwhals are one of the Arctic marine mammals most vulnerable to climate change"
 * "continue returning to" -> "continue to return to"
 * "They emerged during the late Pliocene epoch and, therefore, must ..." -> "As narwhals emerged during the late Pliocene epoch, they must ..."
 * Inuit
 * "Is it "Inuit", or should it be "the Inuit" (I ask from a position of ignorance on the point!)
 * Tusk trade
 * "yet others predict Norsemen": 'predict' relates to the future. "although others ('Theorise' or 'hypothesise')" would suit better
 * "A hypothesis suggests that": As it was later disproven, maybe "A hypothesis suggested that"
 * "though this was never confirmed and was later disproven" -> "though this was later disproven" (if it was disproven, it couldn't have been confirmed)
 * "10,000 pounds sterling[93] from English privateer" -> "£10,000 pounds sterling[93] from the privateer"


 * Thanks. Completed all :) Wolverine XI   ( talk to me ) 21:32, 29 May 2024 (UTC)