Wikipedia:Peer review/Natalee Holloway/archive1

Natalee Holloway
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because it was recently promoted to GA, and we aspire to FA status. Improvement to this article has been ongoing, and continues. However, since it is principally the work of three editors, we'd like another perspective on where the article stands and what work must be done prior to considering becoming a FA candidate. This is a somewhat controversial article, but we are doing our best with it. Thanks, Wehwalt (talk) 23:56, 11 March 2008 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments Seems pretty good to me - here are some hopefully helpful comments: Hope this helps, these are fairly nitpicky Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 04:38, 20 March 2008 (UTC)
 * I would include the ages of the Kalpoe brothers in the Disappearance section (as van der Sloot's age is given here)
 * References go after punctuation, so this needs to be changed: Beth Twitty was provided with free housing, initially at the Holiday Inn (where she stayed in her daughter's former room[27]),...
 * California Lighthouse photo has white space after it - have you tried adding the "upright" tag to the image (after "thumb|")?
 * Should John and Jones were released on June 13. have a reference?
 * Ref(s) also needed for the releases of van der Sloot senior and Croes releases...
 * ...and for At some time during the interrogation, Van der Sloot told a third story: that he was dropped off at home and Holloway was driven off by the Kalpoe brothers.
 * Anything that is in quotes chould be cited: ...after an individual ("the gardener") claimed to have seen...
 * Why is there an interwiki link to nl here: Combined Appeals Court of the Netherlands Antilles and Aruba(nl).[41]?
 * I doubt Scrux.com is a WP:RS, also do not make direct external links in the text.
 * The investigation continues (September 2005-April 2006) section - lots of short paragraphs (one sentence or two). I would combine them into fewer larger paragraphs.
 * I would not include the ISBN for Aruba: The Tragic Untold Story of Natalee Holloway and Corruption in Paradise in the text, put it and full publisher information in a reference.
 * Same for van der Sloot's book (ISBN and book details in a ref, use cite book). I would also translate the title to English. Why is there no summary of the book? Even if it says nothing new, then have a sentence that it repeats what he already said (for example)(or whatever it says).
 * July 2007 Amigoe article section - first four paragraphs are uncited - need refs
 * Awkward sentence: The article states that the interviews indicate that Renfro and Beth Twitty received a phone call from an unknown woman on June 2, 2005, offering information about Holloway's location and the information that Holloway was still alive but was unwilling to return to her mother, for the sum of $4,000. Makes it sound like the $4,000 was for Holloway to return to her mother as now written.
 * Watch for short paragrpahs throughout.
 * Is there any sort of final summary possible - any published theories about what happened to her?
 * All of these things are very helpful, and in the case of the unrefed releases, are things I had been reminding myself to work on. Still, though nitpicky, they are things we must address if we want this to be an FA.  Thank you for going through the article with a fine toothed comb and giving us a very useful perspective!--Wehwalt (talk) 10:54, 20 March 2008 (UTC)
 * We've addressed most of the stated issues (except the summary, which we think would be a problem). However, we would welcome further comments.  We're going to go for FAC as soon as a WP policy change which could impact the name of the article is finalized.--Wehwalt (talk) 14:09, 29 March 2008 (UTC)