Wikipedia:Peer review/Necrid/archive1

Necrid

 * A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for March 2009.
 * A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for March 2009.

This peer review discussion has been closed. This peer review discussion has been closed. Needing a peer review of Necrid to do a final sweep and make sure all the kinks are hammered out of the article at this point before I approach FA again. The sources are exhausted, the work's done, the images get better captions, so all that's left is to bug hunt. Thank you for your time and patience, Kung Fu Man (talk) 07:36, 16 March 2009 (UTC) Levi's comments Prose/Tone/Style
 * Lead


 * "Despite Necrid having spoken lines in the game, no voice actor has been attributed to the character." - Later on in the article, it says that Necrid speaks only gibberish. Should the gibberish be referred to as "lines"?


 * Design


 * "Necrid only speaks gibberish, and the vocal samples in his profile are named after emotions, such as "Determination" and "Indignation". He is the only speaking character in Soulcalibur II whose voice remains constant regardless of the game's language setting." - Possible tone consideration—the sentence may be better served by "Necrid's speech is unintelligible..." with "unintelligible" having a wikilink to gibberish.


 * In video games


 * "A nod, however, is made in Soulcalibur IV to the dialogue between Necrid and Talim, reused in reverse order in Talim's initial Story mode battle." - Another tone consideration. "Nod" could be replaced with "reference".  Also, Soulcalibur IV should probably be wikilinked, along with other video games mentioned in the article.


 * Gameplay


 * "Using a fighting style Yotoriyama described as "horrific splendor", Necrid fights using a transforming energy called Maleficus, a physical manifestation of the same energy contained within Soul Edge, controlled through the jewel on his chest." - Kind of a run-on, consider splitting it up halfway through.


 * "Necrid can utilize other forms of energy as weapons, such as ignis fatuus, æther, and chaos, with varying effects and attributes." - Lots of inlines in rapid succession; could they go at the end of the sentence?


 * Should "In game" be hyphenated?


 * Do those move names need to be italicized?


 * Promotion and merchandising


 * "Drawn by Greg Capullo, it featured a comic book rendition of Necrid fighting Spawn in one of the game's arenas" - Needs a period.


 * "Sweepstakes" kind of sticks out, could it be "contest" instead?


 * Critical reception


 * "...but added that despite Necrid's appearance the character was decent to play as." - Sentence ends in a preposition.


 * Are the wikilinks inside the quotes necessary? The pantheon link, for example, leads to an article about groups of gods, and the Soulcalibur characters in general don't appear to be gods.


 * "GMR described him as an example of 'Bad American Comic Book Design.'" - Is this the exact quote, with all of the capitalizations? It's a magazine reference so I couldn't check.


 * "However other reviewers instead gave the character positive reception, praising both its gameplay and design." - Necrid is referred to as "him" elsewhere in the article, not "it".


 * "Despite their negative reception, IGN listed Necrid as one of the top eight characters contributed to the games by designers outside of Namco's Team Calibur, placing 8th in the list." - Redundant, might sound better as "Despite their negative remarks, IGN listed Necrid as 8th on their list of the top ten characters contributed to Soul Calibur games by designers outside of the design team."
 * Took care of all of the above, though the first is an odd one...technically they are lines, just...well, gibberish? As for fighting moves in italics, I don't think there's an exact MoS for it to be honest, just makes it easier to isolate in the text?--Kung Fu Man (talk) 20:23, 17 March 2009 (UTC)


 * Fair enough on the gibberish. As for the move names, I think quotation marks would be better, but that's just me.

Sources
 * Is #7 a magazine, or a website? If a magazine, it should have a page number; if a website, should have a URL.  Same for #27.
 * Page numbers in some cases aren't possible, especially when the information is taken from periodical databases such as MyWire.--Kung Fu Man (talk) 20:23, 17 March 2009 (UTC)


 * Some of the Design section looks like original research, especially with the game references.
 * I'll add an artbook reference alongside the game reference just to be safe.


 * Is "Insert Credit" reliable?
 * Insert Credit's founder has credentials listed at Gamasutra, and Tim Rodgers has been vouched for by games journalist Chris Kohler.

Otherwise, prose and sources look good. Good job! —   Levi van Tine  ( t  –  c )   07:58, 17 March 2009 (UTC)
 * Thanks! I responded to everything above, hope it's adequate enough.--Kung Fu Man (talk) 20:23, 17 March 2009 (UTC)