Wikipedia:Peer review/Nicolas Sarkozy/archive1

Nicolas Sarkozy
The article was refused for FA for lack of references and lack of a criticism section illustrating the controversies surrounding N. Sarkozy. I think I've remedied both. What do you think? David.Monniaux 07:42, 3 October 2005 (UTC)

It's looking good! I think some sections ramble a bit — the text could maybe be "tightened up" a little, and maybe could be split up more. And I'm not sure we need so much background on his family? I'm also a little concerned that there's too much implied criticism outside of the criticism section — eg. use of scare quotes in "he called for a "fairer" taxation system". But overall good, and a nice insight into French politics for this Brit. ;-) I've done a little copyediting (for English grammar etc.), and extracted the in-line references to the bottom "references" section.  Hope that helps.  — Johantheghost 12:11, 3 October 2005 (UTC)
 * The problem is how to present claims. If we say "he called for a fairer taxation system" this seems to endorse the POV that the current system is unfair and that Sarkozy's system would be fairer. "Fairer" conveys the point that we're using his expression.
 * OK, good point! — Johantheghost 15:56, 3 October 2005 (UTC)
 * The bit about the family was prompted by the recurrent interventions of Wikipedians (Israelis, apparently) who had decided that Sarkozy was Jewish and would not stop reasserting that fact on the page. So somebody had to dig up his bio to show that, whether according to Jewish law or religious options, he is not a Jew. In addition, many people argue that Sarkozy's upbringing and family problems have contributed to his character (yes, that borders on psychoanalysis). David.Monniaux 14:53, 3 October 2005 (UTC)
 * OK, there's obviously some background here I wasn't aware of; seems like you're on top of it. As I said, I think it's basically looking good. — Johantheghost 15:56, 3 October 2005 (UTC)

Hi David! I am really happy you improved the criticism section. That's much better now. Time will tell whether this is NPOV but from my feeling I guess it is. The quotation section should be suppressed or improved. I would prefer improved! I too have the feeling the biography part should be reduced a bit. I think the most important points about him are his style, his political achievements, the criticisms and his ambition to be president: the rest could be reduced a lot. I think the English is not ready yet and you should wait a while till a native speaker copyedit it carefully. Vb 09:44, 4 October 2005 (UTC)