Wikipedia:Peer review/Nintendo DSi/archive3

Nintendo DSi
This peer review discussion has been closed. I would like editors to identify additional areas of concern that I may have missed. Similar to what Laser brain brought up.
 * Previous peer review

Thanks,  « ₣M₣ »  09:10, 29 February 2012 (UTC)


 * Not a full/real review, but do note that:
 * The automated reviewer did find some things - the need for more links, abbreviations, etc
 * Checklinks also finds some problems, including at least one dead link
 * Allens (talk &#124; contribs) 00:29, 3 April 2012 (UTC)

Comments The Rambling Man (talk) 08:49, 11 April 2012 (UTC)
 * "in 2008 and 2009 in Japan, North America, PAL territories, and other regions" slightly confusing, could you be more specific where and when it launched, e.g. 2008 in Japan and 2009 in... (or whatever).
 * "launched in 2009 and 2010 in the aforementioned regions" same again.
 * "Development of the DSi began in late 2006, and it was unveiled ..." the "it" here could refer to the development not the DSi so I'd rephrase slightly.
 * PC World on Wikipedia is referred to as PCWorld.
 * You don't really cover the "software library" in the lead, it should be mentioned so the lead is a good summary of the whole article.
 * "Nintendo also improved its audio " not keen on this sentence at all. What was improved?  Do you mean the quality of the audio was improved?  The volume?  And would re-emphasise "the handheld" in the first part of this sentence, not the second.
 * Removing the GBA slot... in the lead this is "to ensure durability" but in the body it's "to improve portability without sacrificing durability", not quite the same.
 * "The DSi's original design ... design..." a bit repetitive.
 * "...unit "neat" and "simple". " these quotes need reference.
 * "was meant to " prefer "was intended to"
 * "Development of a large DS Lite model in 2007 eventually became the DSi XL " not sure "eventually became" perhaps "eventually led to"
 * "(ニンテンドーDSi LL, Nintendō DSi LL?))." seems to have a spare ).
 * "jump-started the DSi XL project " I'm not sure I know what you mean by "jump-started" here.
 * "By the end of the month, it sold 535,000 units" lost track of what "it" is here.
 * "i am 8-bit" is called "iam8bit" in our article.
 * " to get a DSi " a bit sloppy, "to purchase" or "to buy".
 * Not sure I see a requirement to link "news leak".
 * Who are M2 research and Billy Pigeon, and why should I care what they say?
 * "589 ten thousand" etc. really odd way of saying 5.89 million.
 * "16.88 of the 27.11 million " either use a percentage or you should add "million" after 16.88.
 * "14.66 of the 17.52 million " ditto.
 * You have .74 inches but 0.3 megapixels. My preference would be to consistently use a zero before the decimal point.
 * "The DSi's main and sub-printed circuit boards." no full stop required.
 * "The camera's resolution is " (singular) followed by "However, their resolution are considerably " (plural).
 * "in rapid session," what does that mean?
 * "and a greater overall size" why not just "and is larger than"?
 * "cost restraints " constraints?
 * No need to relink "viewing angle".
 * LovePlus+ is just called LovePlus on Wikipedia.
 * "the Wii's Photo Channel, and" no need to relink Wii here.
 * "Guitar Hero: On Tour series" add "series" into the link, our article is Guitar Hero: On Tour series.
 * "As of June 2011..." well it's April 2012, so can we update this?
 * "The Nintendo DSi with its larger XL model." no full stop required.
 * "lower than that of mobile phones" very general statement. Surely not "all" mobile phones?
 * No reason to link "developers" at this late stage.
 * "who did not purchase previous DS models" -> "who had not purchased a previous DS model".
 * A review! :o Thanks for the input.  « ₣M₣ »  17:07, 11 April 2012 (UTC)
 * No worries. I'm sorry it's taken so long for the community to give you something to work with!  All the best, feel free to ping me if anything needs further explanation.  All the best, The Rambling Man (talk) 17:44, 11 April 2012 (UTC)