Wikipedia:Peer review/Norbert Murphy/archive1

Norbert Murphy
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I have created the page and nominated it for DYK so I want to know what I can do to improve it, maybe getting it to GA.

Thanks, Lucky102 (talk) 16:23, 22 October 2012 (UTC)

Comments from Casliber

 * Biggest glaring hole is biographical details - the nature of his disability (congenital/acquired) and just basic stuff such as where he grew up etc. This needs addressing before anything else. Casliber (talk · contribs) 19:08, 22 October 2012 (UTC)


 * Move line on disability into paralympics section.


 * Why did he not compete in 2004?

Comments from Jayron32

 * The article is very repetitive and trite. The writing could use some variety.  Starting every paragraph with "he competed in" ... "He came in..." etc. etc.  makes for a boring read.  You could save some verbiage by converting it to a table of some sort, and you could vary the writing by describing the unique particulars of each competition.  Other than that, I'll echo what Casliber said.  More biographical background would be good.  -- Jayron  32  22:21, 22 October 2012 (UTC)