Wikipedia:Peer review/Norfolk Island/archive1

Norfolk Island
I'm probably a bit biased, since I came to this article when it was either a stub or just above it and I've watched it grow ever since, so I'd be very interested in any or all suggestions which the wider public can give for improvement. I obviously can't guarantee they'll all be acted upon, but I'll certainly do what I can based on what everyone says, and hopefully it'll give some more direction to an article on a really lovely part of the world. Hallmark moments over, the floor is open. BigHaz Schreit mich an 10:34, 4 September 2006 (UTC)


 * Pretty good article overall. Some general observations would be to expand the lead (two paragraphs are fine, but just beef them up) and divide the material under the 'References' section into two sections, one 'References' (listing what sources were used) and the other 'Notes' (with the in-line citations from those sources). For an article this size, there should probably be more in-line citations. Also, get rid of some of those redlinks (or create articles for them if you deem them to be notable). And the prose needs some help. I'd suggest doing a copyedit yourself and then asking someone else to check it again. But again, good job in the final analysis.UberCryxic 01:52, 5 September 2006 (UTC)
 * So "references" is just "a list of everything used in creating the article" and "notes" is "the specific pages, etc"? Thanks for that. I'd honestly never known quite where the dividing line was here. BigHaz - Schreit mich an 07:30, 5 September 2006 (UTC)
 * My notes:
 * The introduction should be somewhat expanded per WP:LEAD -- briefly summaraize the article.
 * "First penal settlement" might be overly detailed, especially as regards quotations. I would replace, e.g.,
 * "Manning Clark observed that 'at first the convicts behaved well, but as more arrived from Sydney Cove, they renewed their wicked practices'. These included an attempted overthrow of King in January 1789 by convicts described by Margaret Hazzard as 'incorrigible rogues who took his 'goodwill' for weakness'."
 * with something more to point, such as
 * "As Manning Clark observed, the convicts' behavior soon became problematic. In January 1789, they attempted to overthrow King."
 * Same for "Second penal settlement". I would get rid of most of the quotations, especially considering they are unreferenced. Some of the paragraphs cover overlapping issues and could be consolidated.
 * "Politics" reads like a list and overlaps with the preceding section ("20th century").
 * "Crime" and "Culture" are very short.
 * The quality degrades toward the end of the article -- many of the last sections are just collections of assorted facts. Comprehensive, though. -- bcasterline • talk 04:38, 6 September 2006 (UTC)
 * "Crime"'s short for the simple reason that there really is that little to write about. Still, the Patton case has been committed to trial, so there'll probably be at least a few more words to add as that develops. BigHaz - Schreit mich an (Review me) 04:02, 7 September 2006 (UTC)


 * A section on the island's ecology wouldn't be amiss, from the Pine to the several species that have gone extinct from the island. Sabine's Sunbird talk 08:13, 7 September 2006 (UTC)


 * "History" post-1856 should be of equal weight/length.
 * "Flora & Fauna" would make an interesting section.
 * With regards to "references", when dealing with a small island community, you have to be vary wary. Encyclopedia Brittanica refused to update information regarding the non-existance of bats on the island, because of an obscure reference in a book written in the 60's. Inspite of the fact that 1) No islander has seen a bat for more than 30 years. 2) Australian Parks and Wildlife Services officials confirm that no bats had been seen on the island during this space of time.

The sentences of the article should be presented in proper paragraphs, containing and defining related information, as opposed to this detestable internet-news habit of having one sentence per paragraph. (See BBC News and SMH.com.au for how to drive a sane reader potty.)