Wikipedia:Peer review/Obesity/archive2

Obesity

 * Previous peer review
 * A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for December 2008.
 * A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for December 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because it is an article of high importance. Failed its good article review and wondering what more work need to be done to get it their.

Thanks, Doc James (talk) 16:03, 19 December 2008 (UTC)


 * Have you gone through the items at Talk:Obesity/GA1? 69.228.196.41 (talk) 09:18, 20 December 2008 (UTC)

Gone through much of it. Some is very difficult to address as a research base does not exist in many areas. --Doc James (talk) 00:17, 30 December 2008 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: Every peer review gets a response, although you have not had the courtesy to respond to the above question or my question on your talk page. Very briefly, here are some suggestions for improvement.
 * DoneThe GA review is very detailed and a quick spot check shows things in it still have not been addressed - just one example what does the "ob" added to the word mean in Latin?
 * DoneThe lead should be an accessible and inviting overview of the whole article. Nothing important should be in the lead only - since it is a summary, it should all be repeated in the body of the article itself. My rule of thumb is to include every header in the lead in some way but the article may need fewer sections / headers too. Please see WP:LEAD
 * DoneCaptions use full stops (periods} even when they are not complete sentences.
 * DoneLanguage could be cleaned up, again as one example from a caption: Some U.S. Kaiser Permanente facilities provide oversize chairs such as this one at Richmond Medical Center for obese patients. reads as if the Richmond Medical Center is (just) for obese patients, when I am pretty sure the oversize chair is meant, so perhaps change this to something like Some U.S. Kaiser Permanente facilities provide oversize chairs for obese patients, such as this one at Richmond Medical Center.
 * DoneArticle uses lots of bullet points / lists / tables that should be converted to text in most cases.
 * Created its own page for the table on morbidity.

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). Yours, Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 11:47, 29 December 2008 (UTC)
 * DoneArticle has many short (one or two sentence) paragraphs that should be combined with others or perhaps expanded to improve flow.
 * DoneArticle focuses on US a lot or does not make it clear when stats are US only, include other parts of the world / make source of stats clearer to avoid POV
 * DoneMOS says to provide both metric and English units

Many thanks --Doc James (talk) 00:17, 30 December 2008 (UTC)


 * You are very welcome - sorry I was a bit snarky above, I was in a bit of a rush. Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 04:11, 30 December 2008 (UTC)