Wikipedia:Peer review/On the Banks of the Wabash, Far Away/archive1

On the Banks of the Wabash, Far Away
This peer review discussion has been closed.

I've listed this article for peer review because… The article is of fair quality and I would like to get to FA quality. In terms of coverage it is pretty comprehensive, but I still feel like the article is missing something. Any advice how to improve this article in any way would be appreciated.

Thanks, &mdash;Charles Edward (Talk 12:27, 24 March 2010 (UTC)

Finetooth comments: This is well-done and fascinating. I can't think of anything that is missing. Nice job. One of your source links has a dead url, which may or may not be a quick fix. Here are a few suggestions for further improvement.

Lead
 * "in terms of sheet music sold" - Wikilink sheet music?
 * "Due to the ambiguity of United States copyright laws at the time of its composition, and the poor management of Dresser's estate, the song was plagiarized." - Those two conditions (ambiguity, poor management) weren't the only factors; people also had to be willing to plagiarize. Maybe "The ambiguity of U.S. copyright laws at the time and the poor management of Dresser's estate left the song vulnerable to plagiarism"?
 * I'd consider breaking the second paragraph into two parts, starting a third paragraph with "His younger brother... ".

Composition and popularity
 * "music firm in which he was a silent partner" - Wikilink silent partner?

State song
 * "Following the 1997 centennial anniversary of the writing of the song, the Indiana General Assembly passed a resolution reconfirming Dresser's song as the state's official song and urged state institutions to make more use of it and return it to popularity." - I'd merge this one-sentence orphan paragraph with the one above it.

Lyrics
 * Would it be good to include a source for the lyrics?

Adaptations
 * On the Banks of Havena, Far Away - Havana is misspelled. Is that how the source spelled it?

References
 * Citation 3 (which supports eight claims in the article ) has a dead link. The Indiana Historical Society might have moved the url to a new page you can find. Alternatively, the Internet Archive might have saved the old page.

Sources
 * I'd add the place of publication to each of these. Also, the first Gitelman book needs an ISBN. You can find missing data about books via WorldCat. If a book has no ISBN, you can identify it by its OCLC number, which you can find via WorldCat.

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog at WP:PR. That is where I found this one. Finetooth (talk) 21:18, 30 March 2010 (UTC)


 * Thank you for your review. It is much appreciated! 21:36, 30 March 2010 (UTC)