Wikipedia:Peer review/Orpheum Circuit/archive1

Orpheum Circuit
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because… I am editing this article for a graduate theater history class. I hope to improve knowledge of the Orpheum Circuit and add information about its history and impact. I am concerned about the information being relevant to the topic so please don't be shy and let me know your thoughts, especially about content. Thanks, Jsattler07 (talk) 02:39, 2 April 2015 (UTC)

Comments from Gilliark
This article is a very interesting read and would certainly bring readers important information regarding the topic. The structure is organized and logical, and all of the information is clear and straightforward. The lead section does a good job of giving the reader an overview of the topic without going into too much detail about it. Most of the sections are quite fleshed out, but I do think that elaborating on the section about artists and maybe adding information about what kind of acts were presented would help readers gain a deeper understanding of the topic. There are many good links to other wikipedia articles, but could be more. For example, John Cort has his own wikipedia page that could be linked and a few of the links are dead. The history section is strong and paints a clear, detailed picture of how the circuit was developed. It might be interesting to add a little about what paved the way for this type of entertainment, other touring circuits, how the circuit did or didn't effect New York theater, what a typical night at the orpheum might be like etc. There are many relevant citations which serve to authenticate facts and give the reader an opportunity to read further on the topic. Overall this is a strong article with accurate information and an organized structure. Great Job!

Comments from Decafespresso
I enjoyed reading this article and it certainly is an interesting point in American theater history.

The lead section is very clear and concise. I think you can add a few more sentences to summarize the full history of the Orpheum, as well as the state of existing theaters.

The structure of the article is mostly clear and logical. Notating years for sections 1-5 might be helpful (e.g. Early History: 1886-1893) I think "Theatres still operating” section should include general information on who owns and operates these theaters. Is the Orpheum name kept because RKO is still involved somehow or is it just historical recognition? What kind of performances are done at each of these existing theaters? I think you should also mention that these lists of theaters are not exhaustive. I’m not sure what the “Management” section is for, mainly because I don’t know when they were in these positions. Only Beck appears in the sections prior to this, so perhaps you can consider deleting the section if they are not historically significant.

On the content of the article, I’m a bit confused with the war between western and eastern circuits. Was the Orpheum Theatre in East Village (circa 1904) not part of the circuit back then? What changed as the result of mergers to become KAO and later RKO? Was the touring circuit still functioning for some time after the mergers? “It was all our war…” and then what happened? Also, did you find any information about the Orpheum theaters being movie theaters? The article seems to focus solely on the vaudeville side, but I’d be interested to know how the two art forms coexisted.

On accuracy of the information, the Late Circuit section mentions the Circuit was incorporated in 1919, while the Assoc. and Alliances section says 1900. Which one is correct? There are two Orpheum Theatres in LA listed in the list of theaters, but the links seem to refer to the same one.

This may be the inherent problem in your source material, but some of the information seem subjective. For example, the sentence “The next logical city was Los Angeles.” in the beginning of the circuit section. Is that the opinion of the author of your reference or the opinion of Meyerfeld and Walter?

It might be helpful to mention other theater circuits in the article and include them in a See Also list, such as Alexander Pantages as well as the eastern circuits. There is also an article on Vaudeville_Managers_Association you can link to.

Decafespresso (talk) 20:49, 15 April 2015 (UTC)

Comments from MJ94
"Often there would be as many ladies present for the evening's entertainment as men due to Walter's high-class vaudeville acts." I am a bit confused as to what this means. I don't think it's a full thought.
 * Lede
 * The lede looks very well-written. Great job.
 * Early history
 * "This first Orpheum seated 3500 and immediately became the most popular theatre in San Francisco." How so? In terms of attendance?
 * "The program at the original Orpheum ranged from knockabout comedy to opera, thus appealing to a wide variety of people from working class, to middle class clerks and shop keepers, to businessmen." I don't think the types of people is important – it works to just say a wide variety of people.
 * "This time, Walter was backed by Morris Meyerfeld who become Walter's partner." Backed how? What type of partner?
 * The beginnings of the circuit
 * Can you shorten the section's title?
 * "Meyerfeld argued that San Francisco was so far removed geographically, that in order to entice more performers to make the journey to perform at their theater, they needed to make their journey worthwhile by offering more opportunities to perform." This should probably be rewritten as it reads a bit choppily.
 * "The next logical city was Los Angeles." Why?
 * "Walter and Meyerfeld continue to expand their operations by opening more theaters on the road between the Midwestern United States and their Pacific Coast theaters." This should be written in the past tense.
 * "The pair leased the Ninth Street Theatre and renamed it the Orpheum. It opened in 1898 to a sold out house." Do you have a citation for this?
 * Vaudeville Associations and Alliances
 * Keep in mind the proper capitalization rules for section headings.
 * This whole section would benefit from grammatical and punctuation checks as well as additional citations.
 * Wars between East and West
 * "It was all out war..." What happened? Why was it war? What was the result?

Maybe the "Theatres still operating" section could be made into a list in which more information could be stored (such as who owns/operates the theatres). Overall, I think you've done a nice job in researching. I may do some copyediting to fix grammar and punctuation and I recommend you check out the issues that previous reviewers have pointed out regarding fact discrepancies. I tried not to echo the previous reviewers' concerns and focus on my unique opinions. If you have any questions, comments, or concerns, please do not hesitate to contact me here or on my talk page. MJ94 (talk) 22:13, 27 April 2015 (UTC)