Wikipedia:Peer review/Palestine/archive2

Palestine
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I would like to submit it for Featured Article review. It recently reached GA status, and is currently on the main page as a DYK. Hoping to take it to the next level. Thanks, Oncenawhile (talk) 10:25, 23 March 2015 (UTC)
 * Previous peer review

groupuscule comments
Just a few line-by-line comments. Suggestions/ideas not demands/commands.
 * Wow, you have done a really fantastic job with this. Congratulations.
 * Superbly precise and clear wording.
 * Regarding the overall content of the History section; in a sense it is mostly a Political History, focusing mostly on shifts in sovereignty. (For example, no events are mentioned between Ottoman control in 1516 and Egyptian invasion in 1830–1832.) Indeed, the "Demographics" section is really a Demographic History; "Boundaries" is a history of the boundaries. So the whole article is mostly about history. This makes sense to me, since quantitatively the integral of PalestineHistorical far exceeds the integral of PalestinePresent, even for generously expansive interpretations of Present. ;-) But what I'm getting at here is, are there other aspects of history which belong in the article as well? Is enough known about the evolution of the Culture of Palestine to include some of that information? Institutions such as the Khalidi Library (which I only happen to know about because it came across my 'desk' through DYK, but maybe it serves the purpose as an example) might be worth mentioning as Culture or Cultural History.
 * Cities: I notice much discussion of Jerusalem, not much discussion of Ramallah (a relative latecomer incorporated in 1517) or Ghazzah (a lot older). Maybe there's a way to organize information about the biggest cities in the region, when they were founded or became big—and maybe even what it was like to live in them.
 * It might be worth mentioning the religious significance of Bethlehem, and other sites, and maybe even devoting a little more article space to the world significance of the Holy Land angle. (And let us not forget the Bahá'í World Centre and related Bahá'í historical events.)
 * Probably the Palestine Liberation Organization is worth mentioning. (I see that Palestinian National Covenant and Palestinian Declaration of Independence, both manifestations of the PLO, are already in there, but I think it would help to briefly describe the formation of the PLO itself.) In fact, this information is placed a bit awkardly under the header of "Boundaries" — not that it's wrong but — it might make sense to clearly articulate the formation of a political structure around "Palestine" arising in response to the formation of the structure "Israel".
 * Etymology
 * "Neither the Egyptian nor the Assyrian sources provided clear regional boundaries for the term" could i.m.o. be slightly improved as a sentence because (1) the sources do or don't provide in present tense (as used earlier in the paragraph with "is found"); we dont really know what they provided in the past; and (2) because to my ear/eye, "the term" does not mean precisely the same thing as "the name".
 * "c. 1234" or "c.1234"? Doesn't much matter but consistency could improve.
 * Ancient period
 * Yahweh might be important enough to raise up from the endnotes to the main text, somewhere. Great notes, by the way.
 * Classical antiquity
 * "In 614 CE, Palestine was annexed by another Persian dynasty; the Sassanids, until returning to Byzantine control in 628 CE"
 * → "In 614 CE, Palestine was annexed by another Persian dynasty, the Sassanids, until returning to Byzantine control in 628 CE" (or use parentheses, or dashes, or whatev)
 * British mandate and partition
 * "The British were formally awarded" → "The League of Nations awarded the British". Right? Or one could be even more explicit about who participated in that decision.
 * It would be appropriate to include another sentence or two about Mandatory Palestine, 1922–1947.
 * Demographics
 * "two methods – censuses" → "two methods: censuses"

Oncenawhile comments

 * , many thanks for your details and constructive comments. I will consider in detail in due course. Regards, Oncenawhile (talk) 02:01, 26 March 2015 (UTC)
 * , thanks for your comments below - these are very helpful, and lots of good ideas. I will consider these in due course. Regards, Oncenawhile (talk) 11:25, 10 April 2015 (UTC)

Comments from Csisc
First, I have to thank you for the work you have done about Palestine. The topic is important particularly for MENA Countries... The work is very structured and detailed. However, they are some facts that had been misconsidered:
 * History of Palestine: I personally think that the article talked a bit longer about Current Situations of Palestine. I think that this is not very good, because the History of Palestine explains partially the current situation of Palestine and there are limited reasons to misconsider this part... Even if many references are biased by the situation of Palestine, there are still hundreds of references that are unbiased. I think that this part would be a significant amelioration to the work.
 * Palestine in God's religions: Palestine had been cited in Koran and Bible... There are many religious debates in close relationship with Palestine. You should include this because it is one of the main reasons for visiting the page by users. You can also involve some quotes from Holy Books.
 * Overview of Palestine in other countries: In other countries and particularly MENA ones, there are many events and quotes related to Palestine. You should also involve this fact.
 * Filmography: Many films have been made about Palestine including The Kingdom of Heaven. I think that you should probably include this point.
 * Bibliography: There are many books that was written about Palestine, its History and customs. You have included some of them. But,You should include other ones because many of them are used as reference in important political discussions.
 * External Link: You should link the article to all articles closely related to Palestine
 * Customs and Traditions: You should talk also the traditional wears of Palestine, the traditional songs of Palestine... Palestine is a civilization... You can also expand this in a separate work.
 * Trade: You can also talk about Palestine and how it exchange regularly with other countries. You may include whether Palestinian People had exchanged regularly with Roman Empire for example...
 * Events: You can also include important events in Palestine although you can expand this in the works about the countries existing nowadays in Palestine. You can involve main religious events and you can also describe how they work.
 * Archeological Sites: You had not cited anything about Archeological Sites in Palestine. You should talk about Roman cities in Palestine, Arabic Buildings, Christian Buildings...
 * History of Official Papers: You can also expand the part about official papers in Palestine by including the evolution of Palestine Identity and Flags...

Yours Sincerely,

--Csisc (talk) 10:32, 10 April 2015 (UTC)