Wikipedia:Peer review/Pat Condell/archive2

Pat Condell
This peer review discussion has been closed. I believe I have addressed all the issues brought up in the previous reviews. Further feedback required before I list as a GA candidate again.
 * Previous peer review

Thanks, A pinhead (talk) 10:56, 24 April 2010 (UTC)

Finetooth comments: I see that this article has gone a few rounds already, but it still needs work. I think the article has potential, but it has quite a few problems. Here are suggestions for further improvement.

Sources
 * The cited sources include blogs and dot-coms that probably do not meet the WP:RS guidelines. What makes Helen's Haven reliable? What makes doollee reliable? What makes Five Feet of Fury reliable? And so on. It would strengthen the article to eliminate non-reliable sources and to stick with what is supported by newspapers, magazines, books, and other publications with editorial oversight and a reputation for neutrality.

Lead
 * The lead should be a summary of the whole article. A good rule of thumb is to at least mention in the lead the main ideas in all of the main text sections. The existing lead says nothing about Condell's early life, his satiric intentions, the controversy generated by The trouble with Islam, or censorship. If you can imagine a reader who can read only the lead and nothing else, you will see how to write it. If something important isn't mentioned in the lead, that reader will learn nothing about it.

Comedy
 * "It seems to me that fundamentalist Christians, jihadist Muslims and settlement-building Jews... ". - Since this direct quotation is four or more lines long (at least on my computer screen), it would be better to set it off as a block quote. WP:MOSQUOTE has details.
 * "He performed the show at London’s Etcetera Theatre". - No need to link London. The link to Etcetera Theatre is enough.✅
 * "Chortle gave Condell's performance a positive... " - Why is "Chortle" linked to "laughter"?✅
 * "It repeats ad nauseam the same gag, in which Barry's narrative recounts his calm, reasonable thoughts followed with a "so I..." by his crassly Neanderthal actions." - This quote makes no sense. What does "followed with a 'so I' by his crassly Neanderthal actions" mean? Are some important words missing from the quote perhaps?

Overlinking
 * You Tube is linked four times in the "Online videos" section. Richard Dawkins is linked twice. Generally one link per item per article is enough for most terms. United Kingdom is linked more than once. Ditto for Saudi Arabia.

Other
 * The link-checker in the toolbox at the top of this review page finds three citation urls that are dead or non-functional. They should be repaired or replaced. The Wayback Machine might be of use in tracking down archived versions of articles that have been moved or removed.
 * The alt text tool shows that the images lack alt text, meant for readers who can't see the images. WP:ALT has details.✅
 * The article could use more proofing. For example, the newspaper and magazine titles in the citations should appear in italics.
 * Since all three images show essentially the same thing, Condell's face, it's hard to see how the two fair-use rationales are sufficient to meet the guidelines. I would just go with the free image and drop the other two.

I hope these few suggestions prove helpful. Finetooth (talk) 02:53, 30 April 2010 (UTC)