Wikipedia:Peer review/Paying For It/archive1

Paying For It
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because so far I've gone at this article alone and I'd like to get some input on how to make it better. It's got a lot of citations (it's been in the press a lot lately and is a book that's been anticipated for years).

Thanks,  C ü R l y T ü R k e y   Talk  Co n T r ibs  08:29, 5 May 2011 (UTC)


 * Just a few quick comments:
 * You seem to be overquoting here. I count at least 20 different quotes, which makes for very little original content.
 * You should probably include more footnotes. For example,

"'After then-girlfriend Sook-Yin Lee broke up with him in 1996, Brown spent a celibate three years mulling over what he saw as the negative aspects of romantic love in the modern world. He works up the courage to see a prostitute, and therefore decides never to pursue a relationship with any one woman again (a condition he calls 'possessive monogamy').'"
 * just screams Citation needed to me. (Although to be honest, part of that is because I doubt many men could go three years celibate, myself included).
 * There may need to be more Wikification here. There are large stretches of text that seem to be unlinked.
 * There are some minor Manual of Style things that may or may not be from you. For example, in the second paragraph you have not all-caps.
 * I hope this can help you out. Crisco 1492 (talk) 13:58, 11 May 2011 (UTC)


 * Thanks for the feedback.
 * About the one paragraph you point out, I'm wondering how I should go about citing it. Everything in that paragraph is in the book itself (in fact, would be the "inciting incident" of the book), and pretty much every article I've read has summed it up similarly.  Which reference should I point to?  Should I just throw in a bunch randomly, or is there some guideline for choosing?
 * For the three years of celibacy, I've found a quote about him being to shy too pick up women that I'll try to incorporate.
 * As for "not" being in all caps, the original quote has the word both bold and in all-caps, so I preserved that, as I wasn't sure what the best alternative would be.   C ü R l y T ü R k e y   Talk  Co n T r ibs  23:01, 11 May 2011 (UTC)


 * If it is in the original, then you could keep it and add hidden text saying that it is in the original; you can also paraphrase it. As for the citation, perhaps you could just cite the book itself. The other sources probably get their information from the book. Crisco 1492 (talk) 23:08, 11 May 2011 (UTC)