Wikipedia:Peer review/Percy Glading/archive1

Percy Glading
Percy Glading operated in an earlier phase of Russian espionage in Britain that preceded the far more famous Cambridge Five, and was not so successful, eventually being caught by means of an MI5 mole—"the Maidstone Mata Hari" reported one newspaper at the time—and doing stir. There is a connection, however: the security services let an opportunity slip to capture those Russian agents who would eventually recruit the Five. Chock full of bizarre incidents in India and lessons in how not to balance cameras on books, Glading has already received a thorough GoCE copy-edit (many thanks, ) and an equally-thorough good article review from. The subject is somewhat out of my comfort zone, so all comments welcome: hopefully we can get Percy to the rank of his more well-known—and better educated—comrade. Thanks in advance to all who look in! —— SerialNumber  54129  18:53, 10 March 2019 (UTC)


 * My close reading speeds are slow at the moment, so this will take me a little time. I hope to post some initial comments in a day or two. Brianboulton (talk) 21:24, 22 March 2019 (UTC)

Intitial comments from BB

 * Lead: I'll reserve detailed comments on the lead until I've read through the article, but a couple of points strike me initially. First, I think there is a tendency towards over-detailing, particularly in the first paragraph. I believe that opening paragraphs should be short and punchy, dealing only with the essence of the subject – what makes him notable? In this case its that he was an early active British communist, a co-founder of the CPGB, a trade union activist and a convicted Soviet spy. This could be covered briefly thus:
 * Percy Eded Glading ( 29 November 1893 – 15 April 1970) was an English communist and a co-founder of the Communist Party of Great Britain (CPGB). He was also a trade union activist, an author, and from the mid-1930s he spied on Britain for the Soviet Union, for which activity he was convicted and imprisoned.


 * A second point relates to the lead image, which is not particularly impressive, although I appreciate that it may be the best available. This is a case where I think its appearance might be enhanced if it was incorporated into a small infobox – I faced a similar problem with Burgess, and went down the infobox route there.


 * Background and Early career
 * I've read down to the start of the Indian expedition section, and find the text somewhat muddled. I found the reading hard going in its present form. The "Background" section begins with some early life details, followed by a brief physical description of Glading presumably in maturity, and ends with an out of context account on MI5's infiltration of the CPGB and a summary Soviet activity from the 1920s and 1930s.  We then move on to his "Early career", which  begins in 1925 when he had been working for almost 20 years.  The chronology is confusing; for example, exactly when was Glading at the Royal Arsenal? He appears to have left by 1921 to work at Harland & Wolff, but a little later we read "In 1925 he moved from grinding at the Arsenal to the Naval Department as a gun examiner".
 * Missing altogether is any detail relating to Glading's part in the founding of the CPGB in 1920. You simply say: "Glading and Pollitt had been among the founders of the CPGB" but don't provide any details, nor do you mention the "forerunner" body of which Glading was a member according to the lead. I've looked at the Communist Party of Great Britain article, which does not mention Glading anywhere, so are we on sure ground in elevating him as one of its founders? Would "original member" be a fairer description?
 * I personally would replace the Background section with "Early life" section, containing a clear chronology up to about 1925, when he was 32, so that we know where he was and what he was doing. I'd omit the stuff about MI5 infiltration and Soviet activity until we have established a much clearer context.
 * I'd also scrap the title "Early career" as being inappropriate, and call it "In the CPGB" or something similar.
 * A couple of minor points: Readers may be confused by the statement that Glading was born in Wanstead, when the image caption gives the birthplace as 50, Millais Rd, Leyton. Also, The image is overbearingly large and needs to be reduced.

So, some structural rethinking is necessary, and I'll give you time to consider this before I tackle the remainder of the text. Brianboulton (talk) 17:33, 24 March 2019 (UTC)
 * BB, two things. Firstly, can I apologise for ignoring you the last fortnight? It was not intentional, I've been slightly cutting back on editing anyway and any free time was going to a couple of things nearer the top of the queue. Even so, I appreciate the work you've put into the review already—and I wouldn't like to approach it lightly. So, really a fyi, if you don't mind, can I leave this on the back burner for a while (another couple of weeks perhaps?) and then summon you again...not, of course, that you need to return, having been summoned, just a motion of readiness as it were. You might have other things going on then of course, in which case bets can be by all means off. In any case, have a good long weekend! Cheers, ——  SerialNumber  54129  20:03, 20 April 2019 (UTC)
 * I am more than happy to let this rest on the back burner for a while, and will leave it to you to decide when you want to return to the fray. Brianboulton (talk) 19:10, 21 April 2019 (UTC)