Wikipedia:Peer review/Peripheral artery disease/archive1

Peripheral artery disease
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because it is classified as a "High importance" page within Wikiproject medicine. It got 12,000 views in the last 30 days. PAD is an area of interest/expertise for me, so I am curious what parts should be expanded to aid others coming to it with fresh eyes.

Thanks, BakerStMD 14:42, 7 April 2015 (UTC)
 * I've notified at WikiProject Medicine about this. -Joel. Ugog Nizdast (talk) 09:58, 21 April 2015 (UTC)

Comment: Right off the bat, I'd say the article has too many lists. I think many of those should be converted to prose and more informative details added. Praemonitus (talk) 16:27, 17 April 2015 (UTC)
 * I concur with the above opinion, after having viewed the article--Ozzie10aaaa (talk) 13:04, 21 April 2015 (UTC)

Peer review by Rationalobserver

 * Lead
 * is a narrowing of the arteries other than those that supply the heart or the brain.[1]
 * Is there a more postive way to state this? "other than those" seems to be defining it by what's it's not?


 * Most commonly the legs are affected.[2]
 * Maybe "Legs are the most commonly affected appendages"


 * Complications may include an infection or tissue death which may require amputation; coronary artery disease, or stroke.[2]
 * Look for missing commas preceding non-restrictive clauses like the one above.


 * The main risk factor is cigarette smoking.[2] Other risk factors include diabetes, high blood pressure, and high blood cholesterol.[5]
 * I'd combine these two sentences.


 * It is unclear if screening for disease is useful as it has not been properly studied.[9][10]
 * Does "disease" here refer to PAD, or other ailments, as it is not clear.


 * In 2010 about 202 million people had PAD worldwide
 * I think "had" is not that descriptive here; maybe "suffered from" or something like that.


 * Signs and symptoms
 * Up to 50% of people PAD may have no symptoms
 * Missing "with"?


 * PAD in other parts of the body depends on the organ affected. Renal artery disease can cause renovascular hypertension. Carotid artery disease can cause strokes and transient ischemic attacks.
 * It's good practice to include a citation at the end of all paragraphs and sections.


 * Causes
 * I think this would be better as prose organized into paragraphs rather than bullet points.


 * Risk factors
 * Same as above.
 * Diagnosis
 * blood pressure readings in the ankles is lower
 * "Readings in the ankles are lower"


 * The material in this section would benefit from a copyedit that combines and arranges the stuff so as to be less listy.
 * Classification
 * I'm not sure this is best presented in list form, but maybe this is a common practice for these types of articles.


 * Screening
 * It is not clear if screening for disease is useful as it has not been properly studied
 * I assume this means "screening for PAD", but it's not that clear.


 * Treatment
 * This is also too listy.


 * Epidemiology
 * There ought to be more than two citations in this section.


 * Research
 * This seems more like "treatment".

I think this article still needs quite a bit of work before a GAN would make sense. I'd start by working on the prose and sourcing, and later focus on expanding the topic, as I'm not convinced that this topic could be covered in a comprehensive way with just 1,600 words or less. Rationalobserver (talk) 17:26, 27 April 2015 (UTC)
 * Conclusion

Comments by MJ94
This looks good!
 * Lead
 * "...is a narrowing of the arteries other than those that supply the heart or the brain."This should be reworded. A simple search leads me to an article by the Mayo Clinic which states that peripheral artery disease is a "common circulatory problem in which narrowed arteries reduce blood flow to your limbs." While that wording should not be used directly, I feel as if an example such as this reads much better than "other than those."
 * "Most commonly the legs are affected." → "The legs are areas (or limbs) most commonly affected by peripheral artery disease."
 * Perhaps the symptoms listed in the lede could be moved into their own section. I would make the same suggestion for complications.
 * Why are there no symptoms for up to half of people? What people? I'm assuming those who have PAD?
 * "It is unclear if screening for disease is useful as it has not been properly studied." Did you mean to say "the disease" or "PAD?"
 * "In those with PAD stopping smoking and supervised exercise therapy improves outcomes." This (and the rest of the paragraph) should probably be in their own section.
 * Watch the use of commas and punctuation. I see many in which a comma is needed, including (but not limited to) "in the developed world".
 * What constitutes the "developed world"? Try not to start two consecutive sentences with the same phrase second and third to last sentences in the lede do.
 * Signs and symptoms
 * The first sentence needs to be reworded. It is unclear which people the text is referring to here, though I am assuming it is those who have peripheral artery disease.
 * "PAD in other parts of the body depends on the organ affected." How does it depend on the organ affected? More to the point, what depends on the organ affected? While the article states "PAD", I am unsure if this means the existence of PAD in general or otherwise. Do you have a source for this?
 * Causes
 * This section looks much too similar to a list of definitions rather than an encyclopedia article.
 * The overall content of this article looks pretty well-done. It's important that this is organized into paragraphs of prose rather than bulleted lists.
 * Risk factors
 * Similarly to the section above, this section would benefit greatly from reading like a paragraph of prose rather than a list.
 * There is a significant lack of citations in this section.
 * Diagnosis
 * "When the blood pressure readings in the ankles is lower than that in the arms, blockages in the arteries which provide blood from the heart to the ankle are suspected." Is lower → are lower.
 * Classification
 * This looks okay to me, but I'd consult someone with more experience of medical-related articles.
 * Screening
 * What isn't clear and what has not been properly studied? This needs to be more specific.
 * Treatment
 * Again, this looks too much like a list.
 * Prognosis
 * This section looks pretty good.
 * Epidemiology
 * I think this could definitely use some more sources.
 * Research

This article definitely needs a lot of work before it will be promoted, but with some significant work, I can see this very important article becoming a GAN. Please let me know if you have any questions, comments, or concerns. MJ94 (talk) 21:49, 27 April 2015 (UTC)