Wikipedia:Peer review/Phil Hartman/archive2

Phil Hartman

 * Previous peer review
 * A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for February 2009.
 * A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for February 2009.

This peer review discussion has been closed. Will probably try an FAC in a few weeks, so trying to garner as much feedback as possible before —then. Thanks, Gran2 12:40, 8 February 2009 (UTC)

Comments from Dr pda I've reviewed this as I would at FAC. I've also copyedited to fix a number of prose and other minor points (but feel free to change anything back if I've introduced errors).

Things which are fine:
 * All images have appropriate licences or fair-use rationales.
 * Image captions which are complete sentences end with periods.
 * Image placement complies with WP:ACCESS, subjects of images are looking into the page (though in a couple there are people looking in either direction). The Sinbad image could possbily be moved to the left to get the left–right alternation suggested by MOS:IMAGES (though not immediately under the heading of course)
 * Hartmann's wife is correctly referred to by her given name, per Manual of Style (biographies)
 * Date formatting is consistent within article body, and citation section.
 * Article is well-cited, except for filmography section (see comment below)
 * Article seems comprehensive, though I don't know enough about Hartman to say if there is any significant information lacking.
 * References are correctly formatted (though see comment below about order of first name and surname).
 * I've corrected all dash usage (hyphens, ndashes and mdashes)

Things which might need to be changed
 * the network decided that variety shows were dead—sounds maybe a little too colloquial
 * He also appeared as kidnapper Randy in the third season finale of 3rd Rock from the Sun, a role written especially for him. He died before filming of the concluding episode could take place.—How many episodes was the third season finale? I would assume one. If so did he actually appear or not?
 * noted is slightly overused in introducing quotations.
 * Some people object to references which are not in numerical order (i.e. [7][4] instead of [4][7]). This occurs a number of times throughout the article. If there is not a particular reason for doing so (e.g. the second reference is only a backup), you may wish to consider reordering the references to be in numerical order.
 * Hartman appeared in a number of voice-over roles. These included appearances on ...—it sounds a bit odd to me to say he appeared in a voice-over role, as he did not literally appear.
 * For consistency the video games could possibly be put in a table as well.

Things which need attention
 * The Record (twice), The Times Union, Maxim (twice) currently point to disambiguation pages; they should be piped to the correct article.
 * The caption Hartman had his first starring in 1995's Houseguest, alongside Sinbad. is missing a word—had his first what?
 * The film, television, and video game subsections of filmography do not cite any sources. Is there a guideline which says you don't need to?
 * Current reference 21, 23, 38 (Commentary for Simpsons episodes)—why do you list the authors surname, first name, when for all the other references first name surname is used?
 * On meeting Clinton in 1993, Hartman remarked "I guess I owe you a few apologies,"[14] adding that he "sometimes [felt] a twinge of guilt about [his Clinton impression]."[13]—If the quotes both come from the same occasion (which is what adding implies), why don't you reference them both to the same source?
 * Hartman wrote a screenplay for a film entitled Mr. Fix-It in 1986,[11] and wrote the final draft in 1991.—the difference between/reasons for the 1986 and 1991 versions needs to be made more explicit. Why did he produce a final draft in 1991? Or was he working on it the whole time and only completed it in 1991?
 * The Gasping for Airtime reference (no. 15) needs a page number.
 * What makes http://www.filmreference.com/ a reliable source?

Hope you find these comments useful. If so you might like to try reviewing an article from the backlog list which is where I found yours. Good luck for the FAC. Dr pda (talk) 10:29, 14 February 2009 (UTC)
 * Thanks very much! I'll implement these soon enough. As for filmographies, I don't think there's a policy, but convention is that IMDb (and Variety, Yahoo) filmographies cover them, in the external links. Gran2 10:35, 14 February 2009 (UTC)

Comments from
 * You said you wanted to know what to work on before taking to FAC, so I looked at the sourcing and referencing with that in mind. I reviewed the article's sources as I would at FAC. The sourcing looks good.
 * Hope this helps. Please note that I don't watchlist Peer Reviews I've done. If you have a question about something, you'll have to drop a note on my talk page to get my attention. (My watchlist is already WAY too long, adding peer reviews would make things much worse.) 01:54, 1 March 2009 (UTC)