Wikipedia:Peer review/Phil Kessel/archive1

Phil Kessel
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because…

I believe that it is now worth GA status, at least for its Ice-Hockey merits. In my opinion, the page is comparable to other GA-class ice-hockey articles such as Alexander Edler, Curtis Glencross and Adam Pardy. At least I would very much appreciate feedback on the article itself so that I can improve it.

Thanks, Doug &#34;Killer&#34; Gilmour (talk) 03:14, 7 June 2012 (UTC)

Most of the information looks to be there so you have a good base to start from, but there but this article will need some work on prose quality and referencing if you would like it to reach GA status.
 * Comments by Resolute
 * The biggest issue is the use of proseline throughout much of the article. Avoid repetitive "On date X, Y happened" entries and try to format the information in logical paragraphs.
 * Personally (and I wrote the Pardy and Glencross articles), I prefer to place milestones in the article body rather than as a list at the end. Same with the records.  Things like "most goals in team history by an American" looks ugly in a list since it is a non-record record, but as part of a paragraph detailing Kessel's success as an American-born player it could fit.
 * Sourcing is your other big issue. Large parts of the article are unsourced.  For things like his milestones, you will find the Leafs' media guide to be ridiculously useful.  It can be downloaded off the team website under the "Team" section.
 * The referencing format will need to be made consistent. You can choose any format you like (WP:CITE has some advice), so long as it is consistent and key information is available. Personally, I like to use the  family of templates.  Also, things like "TSN" should be expanded to "The Sports Network", "NHL" to "National Hockey League", etc.
 * After that, it is just minor things. I would move all of the stats tables together (example: Jarome Iginla), and I personally like to use tables for the awards section (example: Theoren Fleury).
 * Under international play, I would remove the "Kessel played for the United States in..." list as it is redundant to the stats table. For an example of a decent international play section format, look at the Iginla and Fleury examples above.
 * Personal life: far too much detail on his father. At most, I would note that his dad was a football quarterback who was drafted by the Redskins, and then mention his post-football career, if any.  Kessel's cancer is appropriately noted in the Bruins section since it impacted his NHL career, but if Phil is involved in any charitable endeavours as a result, this is the section to note that.
 * Minor manual of style issues. Scores and records should use en-dahses rather than regular dashes. e.g.: 2–1 instead of 2-1 or 2 - 1.  Also, the names of print publications should be italicized, e.g.: The Hockey News.
 * Finally, the lead needs some expansion. Per WP:LEAD, it should summarize the subject and touch on most, if not all, sections of the article.  Sometimes a short lead paragraph is acceptable (like the Pardy article), but there are some important things that this lead is missing.  It is noted that he won the Masterton trophy, but mention why: "...he was awarded the Bill Masterton Memorial Trophy after overcoming cancer during the season."  Note that he has represented the United States internationally on several occasions, and specifically point out that he was a silver medal winning Olympian.

It may seem like a lot, but GA status should be relatively easily doable from here. It'll just take a little more work, and once you get that first one down, bringing other articles to the same status gets progressively easier. I won't be monitoring this PR closely, but I am always happy to help out a fellow hockey editor. Feel free to ping me on my talk page if you have any specific questions or wish me to take a second look once you've addressed some of these points. Cheers, Resolute 16:22, 7 June 2012 (UTC)