Wikipedia:Peer review/Pichilemu/archive3

Pichilemu
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I don't think it must be ready for good article status yet. I have done a clean up and added some more info. Another copyediting is probably needed. I would like to get this article on GA status soon, I have worked lots on it! Every single source is trustworthy IMO, as a person living in the area I could prove what do they say, but there's no original research :P Please, help me with this! All the opinions and suggestions are really welcome!
 * Previous peer review

Thanks, Diego Grez let's talk 20:37, 5 July 2010 (UTC)

 — fetch ·  comms   00:43, 6 July 2010 (UTC)
 * Brief comments from  — fetch ·  comms  
 * endashes on the "Important dates" section
 * get a good copyedit from the WP:GCE or something. There's a backlog elimination drive this month; do it now and you'll probably get it done within a week or two.
 * expand the lede a bit?
 * Added a request to the Guild of Copyeditors for the second time. For the "Important dates" section, I think the table is preferrable. I misunderstood the suggestion. I based it on Rancagua, that is a GA article on es.wp. And the lead, I would like to expand it a bit, ideas are welcome. Diego Grez let's talk 03:37, 6 July 2010 (UTC)


 * ✅  Diego Grez  what's up?  21:33, 18 July 2010 (UTC)
 * Have to expand the lede.  Diego Grez  what's up?  17:43, 1 August 2010 (UTC)
 * Comments from C628 (talk)
 * "They also built homes along the dock on what is now Ortúzar Avenue. Later, large land owners included Pedro Pavez Polanco and Hacienda of San Antonio de Petrel. These large land-holding families constructed historic homes and buildings over the years" and "He regularized the city plan in 1894. Subsequently, Pichilemu became the historic capital of the province called Cardenal Caro which is named after the first Chilean Catholic Church Cardinal" and "It operated until 1932, when the Viña del Mar Casino was opened. After its closure, it became a hotel, which was in business until the 1980s" and "Villa Los Navegantes (English: Village The Navigators) is a village of Pichilemu, approximately 1.5 kilometres (0.93 mi) in size, which was founded in 1997. After five years of construction, approximately 30 houses were built. It has a small sports court where residents can play football, basketball and tennis" and most of the education section are unreferenced. C628 (talk) 00:53, 6 July 2010 (UTC)
 * ✅ It seems that I have addressed the issues, except for the Los Navegantes part. I'm gonna get a reference for that! Diego Grez let's talk 03:15, 6 July 2010 (UTC)


 * Quick comments from so  nia ♫♪
 * "In the Cáhuil Lagoon, an embarkation type known as caballito de mar, made with totora that was recollected nearby the Laguna del Perro, was used until the mid-XX century. In addition to the caballito de mar was used another embarkation also made with totora, similar to the wolf's leather balsa" needs to be clarified. I'm in the middle of a copyedit, but I can't figure out exactly what you mean there.
 * ✅ explained better
 * The Demographics section is a little bland, is there any less number-based information to add? Maybe there is a way to make it a little more interesting.
 * Don't know. Demography is boring by default :D -- Diego Grez  what's up?  17:43, 1 August 2010 (UTC)
 * When I finish the copyedit, I'll come back with more suggestions; overall, looks fine, though it could maybe be better organised in places. so  nia ♫♪ 12:00, 6 July 2010 (UTC)

Comments from Eric Leb 01 (Page &#124; Talk)  
 * Moved from Pichilemu's copyedit request at the Guild of Copyeditors

Phew. I've copy-edited general grammar and structure mistakes; however, because you say you aspire to move the article to GA, I'd like to recommend a few "style" tips:


 * Try to cut down on foreign terms. Although some terms are necessary due to their nature, others – like parroquia – already have an English meaning, and therefore is useless (in my point of view) to list the Spanish term in conjunction.


 * I know, most of the time, in what direction you are trying to go when you list facts, but they seem to be a little scattered across paragraphs. Try to keep facts for a specific subject relevant to what is around it, and don't change the subject too abruptly.


 * Reminder: "located in" is redundant; simply use "in" instead.
 * ✅  Diego Grez  what's up?  17:43, 1 August 2010 (UTC)


 * Reminder: words like "outstanding" and "powerful" represent a point of view. Use words which are more neutral; in these cases you could simply remove the words.
 * ✅ removed.  Diego Grez  what's up?  19:53, 1 August 2010 (UTC)


 * Reminder: commas are required before the "and" if it enumerates more than one noun (e.g.: trees, grass, and flowers).

I don't think this is GA-worthy yet; there is still a bit of work to be done. But I hope this helps you get closer! Eric Leb 01 (Page &#124; Talk)  05:39, 7 July 2010 (UTC)