Wikipedia:Peer review/Pichilemu/archive4

Pichilemu
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I want to know if there is a possibility that this article will be a featured article someday. What do I need to do.
 * Previous peer review

Thanks, Diego Grez (talk) 20:30, 2 February 2011 (UTC)

Finetooth comments: I enjoyed reading about Pichilemu. However, to reach FA, the article still needs a good deal of work. It is generally well-written but is not comprehensive and not does not comply with Manual of Style guidelines in places. The article's organization could also be improved. Here are specific suggestions:

History
 * The quotation from José Toribio Medina is a bit long and probably includes unnecessary detail. Would it be better to paraphrase it than to quote it at length?


 * "by President José Manuel Balmaceda in 1887.[11][10][12]" - By convention, when a series of citation numbers appear together like this, they should be arranged in ascending order; i.e., [10][11][12]. Ditto for any other similar strings of citations in the article.

Geography
 * Featured articles about cities and towns generally include something about the geology of the surrounding region. It would be appropriate, for example, to add something about tectonic plate movements and the earthquakes. What is the geologic history of the region, and why is it earthquake prone?

Government and politics
 * "he was elected in 2008 with 42.08 percent of the vote" - Round to "42 percent"?


 * The chronology of this section is a bit confusing. Would it help to maintain chronological order? You might move two sentences ("Between 2007 and 2009, Pichilemu had seven mayors,[52][53] after Jorge Vargas González was removed from the office for commiting the crime of bribery;[53][54] he was mayor for over 10 years, from 1997[55][56][57] to 2007.[53] Vargas was succeeded by Victor Rojas, who was later accused of the same crime and eventually removed from the office too.") up to just after "Pichilemu is governed by the mayor (alcalde), who manages the executive function." Then could come the sentences about Marcelo Cabrera. After that could come the council's election of Roberto Córdova and then the listing of the council members. Also, I think you need to make a more clear distinction between election by popular vote and election by the council. It was only in the first sense, if I understand correctly, that the "last elected mayor was Marcelo Cabrera".

Culture and economy


 * "Dr. Aureliano Oyarzún investigated pre-Ceramic middens... " - The Manual of Style suggests avoiding academic titles like "Dr." and instead using a brief description, something like "Archeologist Aureliano Oyarzún" or "Aureliano Oyarzún, professor of X at Y University", or whatever the case may be.


 * Link midden?


 * Link petroglyph?


 * Would it be better to move the ancient culture material to the "History" section?


 * Could something be added about more recent culture? Art, music, theater, dance, religion, festivals or celebrations?


 * Can anything about economics be quantified? What is the annual per capita income? How much money do tourists bring in? What fraction of the local economy depends on tourism?

National Monuments


 * The Manual of Style frowns on extremely short paragraphs and extremely short sections because they make for a choppy article. This section has four one-sentence orphan paragraphs. I'd find ways to merge all of them with each other or with other paragraphs. Expansion of shorties is another possibility, if more material is available on any particular subject. This same suggestion applies to orphans elsewhere in the article, the last sentence of "Culture and economy", for example.

Ross Park and Hotel
 * WP:MOSQUOTE suggests using block quotes for quotations of four lines or more, and it deprecates the use of fancy quotation marks. The Jaime Parra quotation is a little short for a block quote but might be OK, or you could simply add it to the main text in regular quotation marks. The block quotes don't need quotation marks.

Railroad history
 * I would consider moving the railroad history subsection to the "History" section and merging all of the remaining subsections of "National Monuments" to make one large section. I think this would result in a less choppy, crowded layout.


 * "357 kilometres (222 mi) of railway lines were constructed... " - Sentences should not begin with digits. You can write the numbers as words or recast to avoid the problem; e.g., "In the O'Higgins Region, 357 kilometres (222 mi) of railway lines were constructed... ".

Important places
 * Might this better be called "Tourist attractions"? Could it be merged with "Beaches" and "Surfing"? Or could "Beaches" and "Surfing" be merged under one subhead under "Tourist attractions"?

Surfing
 * The Fodor's quote is too short for a blockquote.

Important dates
 * I'd suggest working these into the text of the "Culture" section and eliminating the table. Perhaps it would also be best to separate "Economy" from "Culture" as the latter gets bigger and to expand "Economy" as well. Perhaps "Tourist attractions" could become a subsection of "Economy" since tourism is the main economic force in the city.

Other
 * Most featured articles about towns and cities include information about transportation. What highways connect Pichilemu to other places? Is there a local airport? Is there a bus line? Are the remaining railway lines in the area used for anything? How do people typically get about?


 * A map showing the relation of the O'Higgins region to the rest of Chile would be helpful to foreign readers.


 * The tools in the toolbox at the top of this review page find three dead links in the citations and three links in the main text that go to disambiguation pages instead of their intended targets.


 * Captions consisting solely of sentence fragments do not take a terminal period. I fixed the caption for the lead image, but some of the others need fixing too.

Images
 * To prepare for FA, you'll need to make sure that the image licenses are correct and that the descriptions are complete. Just spot-checking, I see that the link to the source of File:Agustín Ross crop.jpg is dead. It needs to be repaired or replaced so that fact-checkers can easily verify the license claims. The "own photos" are relatively easy to describe and license correctly, but the others can be difficult, especially if someone else uploaded them with incomplete data.

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider commenting on any other article at WP:PR. I don't usually watch the PR archives or make follow-up comments. If my suggestions are unclear, please ping me on my talk page. Finetooth (talk) 19:48, 9 February 2011 (UTC)