Wikipedia:Peer review/Pitt County Memorial Hospital/archive1

Pitt County Memorial Hospital
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I've created and added a lot to this article. I would love for someone to read over it to introduce any ideas on how to improve this article to GA/FA. I think everything is there, but someone could always find something else.

Thanks,  P G Pirate  21:10, 2 January 2011 (UTC)

Finetooth comments: This is a good start, fairly broad in coverage. Here are a few suggestions for further improvement:

Heads and subheads
 * It's generally a good idea to make the heads and subheads telegraphic and to avoid repeating the main words of the title. For example, "East Carolina Heart Institute at PCMH" could become "Heart Institute". The three variations on "Hospital" in the first main section are a bit tougher, but they might become two sections called "Origins" and "Expansions".

Lead
 * The lead is to be an inviting summary of the whole article rather than an introductory section. My rule of thumb is to try to include in the lead at least a mention of the main text sections. The existing lead does not mention the Children's Hospital or the Heart Institute. Also, the lead, a summary, should not include important information that is not mentioned in the main text. I would suggest creating a new section perhaps with a title like "Overview" that would include the hospital size, shape, number of beds, and other statistics. The lead could, among other things, briefly summarize this section. WP:LEAD has more details about leads in general.


 * "... 26 rooms are Shared Inpatient/Ambulatory Surgery; 4 rooms are C-Section; 3 rooms are Other Inpatient; 2 rooms are Endoscopy." - Some of these need to be linked or briefly explained on first use. For example, I would link C-section to Caesarean section.

Pitt Community Hospital
 * "was the vision of Greenville physician, Dr. Charles Laughinghouse" - Wikipedia generally avoids professional and academic titles and instead relies on descriptions like "physician". In this case, I'd simply delete "Dr.". Ditto for T.M. Watson further down, and Dr. Chitwood even further down.


 * "The public reception came on September 7, 1923 and more than 800 people attended." - Slightly smoother might be: "On September 7, 1923, more than 800 people attended a reception honoring the hospital."


 * "The first night, Pitt County had its first surgical operation, an appendicitis operation." - To avoid the repetition of "operation", how about "The first night, Pitt County had its first surgical operation, an appendectomy"?


 * "In September 1935, the hospital split into two divisions to qualify for the Duke Endowment." - Would it be useful to more fully explain how this worked?


 * " Pitt Community Hospital was the professional division and Pitt General Hospital, was a non-profit organization." - "Became" instead of "was" in both instances?


 * "By 1939, it was obvious that a new hospital would need to be built." - What made it obvious? Were the old buildings in disrepair? Was the hospital too small to serve all of its patients?

Pitt General Hospital
 * Link X-ray?

Pitt County Memorial Hospital
 * "A neonatal intensive care unit was established and ECU opened the... " - I think this is the first use of ECU, which I think must be an abbreviation for East Carolina University. If so, it should be spelled out as well as abbreviated on first use in the article.


 * "Level II trauma designation... " - Link to Trauma center?


 * "The hospital went from a public, not-for-profit to private not-for-profit in 1998." - Would it be helpful to explain this further? What's the difference? Why would the hospital administration want to make this change?


 * "It was the second procedure in the world." - "Second such procedure" rather than "second procedure"?

Children's Hospital
 * The second use of the logo here does not meet WP:NFCC 3a: "Multiple items of non-free content are not used if one item can convey equivalent significant information."


 * "It sees over 42,000 pediatric patients a year." - Needs a source as does paragraph 3 of this section. My rule of thumb is to provide a source for every set of statistics, every unusual claim, every direct quotation, and every paragraph.


 * "The hospital contains a 122 bed." - Missing word or words. I'll stop making line-by-line commentaries at this point but suggest that you enlist the help of a copyeditor to find and fix small errors like this. You may be able to find one via WP:GOCE.

Rankings
 * "PCMH was awarded with the Get With The Guidelines Stroke Gold-Plus Performance Achievement Award... " - Who gave this award?


 * "PCMH and UHS has been... " - UHS should be spelled out as well as abbreviated on first use.

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog at WP:PR; that is where I found this one. I don't usually watch the PR archives or check corrections or changes. If my comments are unclear, please ping me on my talk page. Finetooth (talk)