Wikipedia:Peer review/Pocahontas (1995 film)/archive1

Pocahontas (1995 film)
I've listed this article for peer review because a fellow user has criticized its prose when I tried to get it to GA status. Any and all commentary is appreciated!

Thanks, MagicatthemovieS (talk) 21:30, 25 November 2017 (UTC) MagicatthemovieS (talk) 21:02, 25 November 2017 (UTC)
 * The Historical accuracy section badly needs to be converted to prose. As such it is a point-form trivia section lacking context or commentary on the relevance, why changes were made, or what the reception has been. See WP:FILMHIST.
 * Video game section consists of one short sentence. There is no commentary, such as in a Legacy section, discussing the sequel, though it's mentioned in the lede with a citation, violating WP:LEADCITE.
 * Development: "That same month, Katzenberg held a meeting with the Feature Animation staff in which he declared Pocahontas to be a hit"
 * "would be a hit" or was a hit in what sense? It couldn't be a box office hit or critical hit if it were still in development.
 * "while the concept for The Lion King was deemed experimental"
 * Experimental films can't be hits?


 * Writing: "no scene was rewritten less than thirty-five times until it was perfect"
 * Until the writers or directors deemed it perfect?
 * Squaw is a slur. There is also an improper contraction in this sentence.


 * Music: This section can benefit from some punctuation.
 * Marketing: "a studio workshop where visitors can become the voice of their favorite animated character"
 * See a character speak in their voice? Hear the characters' voice speak their words?


 * Box office: Fourth sentence needs a comma.
 * Critical: Rotten Tomatoes didn't exist in 1995. That stuff should be moved to the end of the section.
 * "Roger Ebert deemed Pocahontas inferior to previous Disney films."
 * It would be more accurate to say he compared them to previous Disney Renaissance.
 * "It has been argued that Smith's victory over Kocoum in this arena is symbolic of Western Europe's domination of the Americas and the white man's domination over men of color"
 * By who?

Did not check references. Ribbet32 (talk) 04:01, 26 November 2017 (UTC)