Wikipedia:Peer review/Pork and Beans (song)/archive1

Pork and Beans (song)
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I've barely edited music articles before and therefore have no experience. I know it's a bit of a mess at the moment but I believe there is enough out there for it to be a GA. I want to get more GAs, preferably one that isn't a footballer.

Thanks, Spiderone (talk) 17:20, 21 August 2009 (UTC)
 * The article is pretty brief. Ideally, there should be content on the writing, development, and recording of the song. Look at Hollaback Girl for an example of the kind of content to be included in a song article. &mdash; DroEsperanto (talk) 06:48, 26 August 2009 (UTC)

Finetooth comments: This is a good start, but I agree with User:DroEsperanto that parts of it are thin. Here are a few more suggestions for improvement.

Lead
 * "The track debuted at #19 on Billboard's Modern Rock chart, and would go on to spend eleven weeks at #1." - "and spent" rather than "would go on to spend"?
 * "The song was generally well received by critics with many regarding the chorus and the lyrics to be the highlights." - "With" doesn't make a very good conjunction, and passive voice is often too wordy. Suggestion: "Critics generally liked the song, especially its chorus and lyrics".

Writing and inspiration
 * "The song was written by Rivers Cuomo as a reaction to a meeting with Geffen executives where the band was told they needed to record more commercial material." - Active voice is usually more strong and direct than passive. Suggestion: "Rivers Cuomo wrote the song in reaction to a meeting with Geffen executives, who told the band members that they needed to record more commercial material."
 * This section is awfully short. Perhaps you could expand it by making more clear the connection between the meeting and the song. How, for example, do lyrics about Rogaine, the chipmunk effect, sunglasses, or other aspects of the song stem from the meeting or answer the Geffen complaint?
 * "Why is the song called "Pork and Beans"?
 * No idea :(. My guess is that it's intended to be ironic as Cuomo is a vegetarian but I can't back this up. Spiderone  17:16, 4 September 2009 (UTC)
 * Would it be worth mentioning where the band is from and where it met with Geffen?

Composition
 * "According to Cokemachineglow.com the song... " - Shouldn't that be, "according to David Ritter"?
 * Should it be Oakley rather than Oakleys since it's a single company or brand?

Reception
 * "Many reviewers were pleased with what they saw as a return-to-form to the sound of the group's earlier power pop sound, which was present on The Blue Album and Pinkerton.[15][16][17][13]." - When a group of citations appear serially like this, it's customary to arrange them in ascending order; i.e. [13] should be first instead of last.
 * "In terms of chart performance, "Pork and Beans" is Weezer's most successful single in their 16 year career... " - Two things, a missing hyphen and a change in number. Shouldn't the phrase read "its 16-year career" since Weezer is singular? Ditto for other places in the article where Weezer is described as a "they"?

Music video
 * "The video quickly became popular, reaching over four million views within the week and the most-watched video for the week." - Word missing? Maybe the sentence should read, "The video, which quickly became popular, reached more than four million viewers in its first week and was the week's most-watched video."
 * "This wasn't without criticism; Liz Shannon Miller thought the new video lacked originality... " - It's not clear at first glance whether "this" refers to the rickrolling or to the video. Suggestion: "However, Liz Shannon Miller thought the new video lacked originality... ".

Images
 * These will need alt text. WP:ALT explains how to do this.

Other
 * The dabfinder tool that lives here finds one link that goes to a disambiguation page instead of its intended target.
 * Citations 21 and 23 have dead links in them.

I hope these few suggestions prove helpful. Finetooth (talk) 04:33, 30 August 2009 (UTC)