Wikipedia:Peer review/Punahou School/archive1

Punahou School
I would appreciate any comments about any section of the article, or the article as a whole. I would hope to elevate this article up to GA status, and possibly even FA. Sr13 (T|C) ER 05:32, 24 April 2007 (UTC)

First review

 * Lead is way too big - it should be a brief summary of the article, not several paragraphs.
 * Listing of all the buildings on campus is completely unnecessary. Remove or move to it's own page.
 * ✅ Removed listing. Sr13 (T|C) ER 08:09, 27 April 2007 (UTC)
 * List of notable alums is to the size that it's probably ready to be it's own article.
 * ✅ I don't think that the alums deserve their own article, but I cut them down to size. Sr13 (T|C) ER 08:09, 27 April 2007 (UTC)
 * Look around at other articles on similar schools and universities and emulate the good examples.

Nswinton 21:00, 26 April 2007 (UTC)

Second review

 * Good. Will need some work towards B status, though.
 * 9'th reference missing.
 * Several "citation needed" throughout the article, you may not base claims on personal research. It might require one reference per paragraph.
 * Avoid external links inline.
 * Image:Punahouschoolflag2.png lacks a fair use rationale.
 * POV — "Because of his love for this school...", "actually named".
 * Format the references using the cite templates.


 * I'll further check-up to the writing once those are addressed. Michael as 10 17:14, 30 April 2007 (UTC)

Third review

 * The section on Case Middle School is disproportionately large. I suggest spinning it off as its own article (since it has an adequate number of cites), and then just having a two-paragraph summary in the article.
 * By contrast, there seems to be no description of the campus (size? number of buildings? organization) or other components (does the high school have a name? lower schools?)
 * This is a 501 c (3) organization, yes? So why not a link to their annual financial form (990) filed with the IRS?  And a bit of info from that (e.g., annual revenues, size of endowment)?
 * The subsections in the "Athletics" section dominate the table of contents. I suggest using semicolons to bold what otherwise would be subsections.  (There really ought to be two only two true subsection headings:  "Programs" and "Olympians".)
 * The "history and traditions" section combines two disparate things; I suggest an "Other" section with info on events ("traditions" really relates to culture, not a school, I'd argue, but that's a very minor point), the asteroid, and other things that don't fit elsewhere, with an expanded history section (see next point).
 * The "History" section most definitely needs to be greatly expanded: what happened between 1842 and the point where Steve Case (and please remove the "Because of his love" phrase; that is an absolutely, completely unverifiable phrase - unless he hooked up to a lie detector or given truth serum, and then only if you believe either of those really works) gave $10 million?  Clearly the school expanded - when, how, why?
 * Does the school have any particular teaching philosophy or approach? Has this changed over the years?  Was it a pioneer in anything (co-ed education, girls in sports, whatever)?

-- John Broughton (♫♫) 01:44, 1 May 2007 (UTC)

Automated peer review

 * Please see automated peer review suggestions here. Thanks, Ruhrfisch 03:09, 6 May 2007 (UTC)

The following suggestions were generated by a semi-automatic javascript program, and might not be applicable for the article in question. You may wish to browse through User:AndyZ/Suggestions for further ideas. Thanks, Ruhrfisch 03:10, 6 May 2007 (UTC)
 * The lead of this article may be too long, or may contain too many paragraphs. Please follow guidelines at WP:LEAD; be aware that the lead should adequately summarize the article.[?]
 * The lead is for summarizing the rest of the article, and should not introduce new topics not discussed in the rest of the article, as per WP:LEAD. Please ensure that the lead adequately summarizes the article.[?]
 * Per Wikipedia:Context and Wikipedia:Manual of Style (dates), months and days of the week generally should not be linked. Years, decades, and centuries can be linked if they provide context for the article.[?]
 * There may be an applicable infobox for this article. For example, see Template:Infobox Biography, Template:Infobox School, or Template:Infobox City.[?] (Note that there might not be an applicable infobox; remember that these suggestions are not generated manually)
 * Please reorder/rename the last few sections to follow guidelines at Guide to layout.[?]
 * Please ensure that the article has gone through a thorough copyediting so that it exemplifies some of Wikipedia's best work. See also User:Tony1/How to satisfy Criterion 1a.[?]