Wikipedia:Peer review/Rani Mukherjee/archive1

Rani Mukherjee
There has been a lot of recent activity on this page, and I believe the article would benefit with a broader perspective and more comments from editors. The article was recently rated B-class, but that was before the cleanup. Hopefully, after inserting pictures and a few minor changes, the article could qualify for GA. Certain aspects, about whether or not a list of her friends should be included, inclusion of details of old friendship(s),etc are being debated. These discussions would also benefit from an outside opinion. We appreciate you taking the time to offer your inputs :) Best regards, xC | ☎  07:12, 27 April 2007 (UTC)
 * Please see automated peer review suggestions here. Thanks, Ruhrfisch 04:06, 7 May 2007 (UTC)
 * Thanks for pointing that out. Much appreciated. xC | ☎  06:25, 12 May 2007 (UTC)

Review by karanacs
It looks like you have a lot of information here. I recommend that you do a thorough copyediting. Much of the language is very informal, and many of the paragraphs read like lists. I had never heard of Rani Mukherjee before this, and I understand from the article that she is a very famous actress, but I don't understand why. Here are some suggestions (by no means an all-inclusive list) to help out: Good luck! Karanacs 02:53, 26 May 2007 (UTC)
 * in lead, "career includes the top grossing films which have collectively placed her amongst the top heroines of all-time" -- doesn't make much sense to me.
 * Background section should not be under Career. It should be a separate section called "Early years."
 * First sentence of main part of article should start with her surname, not "She"
 * Instead of complete article, at top of Background section use Main Article, or See Also (there are templates for these)
 * Reorganize or reword first paragraph of Breakthrough section, please. I was confused going from sentence 1 to sentence 2
 * Breakthrough section reads more like a prose list. If the films or roles are notable, include more information about them (what was the gross, was she nominated for awards, did she start earning more money or more screen time).  If the roles aren't particularly notable, then they may not need to all be listed.
 * What was the new look in Chalte Chalte that was widely noticed? Was the film a hit because of her new look or for other reasons?
 * Need a citation for all of the sentences in which you say her performance or the movie was critically acclaimed.
 * Is it really important that she was too busy to go to the Toronto Film Festival
 * remove red links
 * Some of your citations are before the punctuation and some are after. Either is acceptable as long as you are consistent.
 * Please italicize names of newspapers
 * I would incorporate the controversies section into the rest of the text.
 * Some of your sections are very short. It might be wise to combine them.
 * Incorporate some of the main Awards and honors into the body of the article, and also the more important polls. Remove any polls that are more trivia.
 * Your citations are not formatted properly. They should all include a publisher name, and, where possible, the author of the article and the date it was published.
 * Prose issues. Too many sentences are short and use very informal language.
 * Beware of using too many "also"s.
 * "She started out in tenth grade" is not a good sentence. Please reword or combine with the sentence either before or after this one.
 * "came up with", "landed up in college all over again", " this is how the masses got to recognize her", "didn't turn out so well" -- not good!!
 * It's okay to use her surname sometimes instead of saying "she" a lot. Don't refer to her as "The actress"
 * " the song 'Aati Kya Khandala' suddenly caught everyone's attention" -- this needs more explanation or to be reworded.
 * Use double quotes (") instead of single quotes (') for song titles.
 * "2004 was a much significant year in her career." is not proper English
 * I would also recomment that you include a section on criticism of her performances -- what do reviewers or fans like about her, and what don't they like. There must be reasons why she is so well-liked, but it wasn't clear to me what those were.


 * I've dealt with some of the stuff above, and struck them off. We appreciate your comments, looking forward to improving the article further. Thanks! xC | ☎  07:42, 26 May 2007 (UTC)


 * Since there seems to be some misunderstanding about it, I just want to clarify - we'll be completing all the suggestions on this list. The items struck off are the issues we've dealt with already, they do not mean that those are the only things we have looked at. It takes time to complete so many things, which is why some things have been taken care of, while others are pending. xC | ☎  07:22, 30 May 2007 (UTC)