Wikipedia:Peer review/Real (Ivy Queen album)/archive1

Real (Ivy Queen album)
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because it was recently passed as a GA quality article. I would like to nominate the article in the future for Featured article status, so please be very critical with your review.

Thanks,  Diva    Knockouts   18:51, 26 February 2013 (UTC)


 * Headings
 * Rename "Composition" to "Music and lyrics" to differentiate from "Recording and production".
 * Move "Music and lyrics" before "Release and promotion".
 * ✅ —  Diva    Knockouts   21:36, 30 April 2013 (UTC)


 * General
 * You don't need to say "Ivy Queen" every time you address her, "Queen" by itself should work fine in the article.


 * Infobox
 * Is there a particular reason the title needs to be sourced? I'd imagine the covers alone will suffice.
 * There is an eight track EP that was released by Queen as a vinyl in 2005 under the name Real Streets with the same cover except it was pink and used different graffiti. Just as a precaution?
 * The 2007 re-release cover looks pretty similar to the original, I'm not sure it meets the fair usage policy.
 * "March 2004 — September 2004" You can remove the first 2004.
 * ✅ —  Diva    Knockouts   21:36, 30 April 2013 (UTC)


 * Introduction
 * Wikilink "studio album".
 * "Real is the fourth studio album by Puerto Rican reggaetón recording artist Ivy Queen. It was released on November 16, 2004 through Universal Latino. Initially to be Queen's debut full-length English studio album..." could be rewritten as "Real is the fourth studio album and first English-language album by Puerto Rican reggaetón recording artist Ivy Queen. It was released on November 16, 2004 through Universal Latino."
 * It was initially to be Queen debut English-language album. —  Diva    Knockouts   21:36, 30 April 2013 (UTC)
 * "It became her first and only studio album to be labeled and shipped with the Parent Advisory Warning label." could be "It is her only album to date that carries the Parental Advisory label". (I'd link Parental Advisory in the article.)
 * "Lyrically, the album departs from the lyrical content that characterized Queen's musical style, now detailing hood life in Puerto Rico among other subjects such as love while not going into too much detail." Remove "lyrically" and "now"; replace "such as love while not going into too much detail" with something like "such as briefly discussing love".
 * "...many praising Ivy Queen's raspy vocals and production quality." should be "many of whom praised Queen's raspy vocals and production quality."
 * "number 25... number four" Pick one or the other, but don't use both.
 * "'Dile' was able to peak..." Shorten to "'Dile' peaked".
 * Start new sentence about "Chika Ideal"'s lack of success.
 * Unlink Ivy Queen in second paragraph, replace with "Queen's".
 * "...and other albums by Daddy Yankee and Tego Calderón while becoming one of the most sold reggaetón albums of 2005 along with her fifth studio album Flashback when sales of both albums went "through the roof"." Divide into a couple sentences, it's a run-on as is.
 * ✅ —  Diva    Knockouts   21:36, 30 April 2013 (UTC)


 * Background
 * "After the failed commercial success of Ivy Queen's first two studio albums, Queen was dropped from the Sony label and took a hiatus from her musical career in 1999." Rewrite as "After the failure of her first two studio albums, Queen was dropped from the Sony label and took a career hiatus in 1999."
 * "Throughout the next few years" to "In the following years".
 * "Queen began appearing" to "Queen appeared".
 * "spawning hits like" to "spawning hits including".
 * "In 2003, Queen then released her third studio album" to "In 2003, Queen released her third studio album".
 * The following sentence can be split in two to avoid run-ons.
 * "Then in early 2004" to "The following year".
 * "an platinum edition" to "a platinum edition".
 * "She then embarked on recording her next album". to "She then began recording her next album".
 * "Her fourth studio album was originally planned to be Queen's debut full-length English language album after she received recording contract offerings from multiple record labels including Sony." Saying "initially" sounds like the album never became her first English project, so I'd directly say that it was her first English album.
 * It became her first English project but the tracks she recorded in English remain unreleased as the project was abandoned.
 * "Though, she was concerned with her English pronunciation, she was not afraid to take the challenge." to "Despite her concerns over lack of English pronunciation, she continued with the project".
 * ✅ —  Diva    Knockouts   21:36, 30 April 2013 (UTC)


 * Recording and production
 * "September of that year" to "September".
 * "inlisted" to "enlisted".
 * "produces seven of the 19 tracks" to "produced seven of the nineteen tracks".
 * "thus explaining the rest of the collaborations" I'd remove, I don't think it adds anything to the sentence it's included in.
 * ✅ —  Diva    Knockouts   21:36, 30 April 2013 (UTC)


 * Release and promotion
 * "The album was released on November 16, 2004. The album's original release date was set for September 2004, however this was later pushed to the release date of November 26." to "After originally being scheduled for release in September 2004 and later November 26, Real was released on November 16, 2004."
 * "The album was also released in "edited" and "clean" versions." "Edited" and "Clean" mean the same thing, do you mean "Explicit" and "Clean"?
 * "after being invited to do so." Remove.
 * "The album jacket for Real differs from Queen's previous albums. Containing sexually explicit photos of Queen and incorporating graffiti writing, the album's jacket is more sexually provocative. Queen's midsection of her body from her neck to her thighs are emphasized, hypersexualizing her body. Overtly sexual, the viewer is looking down into Queen's cleavage area while on previous album covers, Queen is usually centered frame. She admitted that the bigger breast, which were enhanced from a B cup to a C cup, were not real and said the album's concept is not coming from the image of the album, but rather from the music you will listen to of her style of singing." Lots of use of the word "sexual". How about something less wordy like "Uncharacteristic of Queen's previous albums, the album artwork for Real features increasingly provocative photography. Her midsection and thighs are emphasized to create a more sexual image. She stated that her breasts were digitally enhanced from a B-cup to a C-cup, adding that the packaging described the style of music on the album."
 * Her breasts weren't digitally enhanced, she got breast implants. —  Diva    Knockouts   21:36, 30 April 2013 (UTC)
 * "The album title 'Real'" to "The album title Real".
 * "This is also attributed to Queen responding to the criticism she has received in the past for looking like a tomboy, wearing baggy pants and larger shirts, from the Puerto Rican press, middle class and members of the older generation..." to "This is also attributed to Queen responding to the widespread Puerto Rican criticism she previously received for looking like a tomboy, wearing baggy pants and larger shirts..."
 * Lots of uses of "attributed", I'd mix it up and switch up the vocabulary.
 * ✅ —  Diva    Knockouts   21:36, 30 April 2013 (UTC)


 * Composition
 * "lyrically blessing her audience" Like actually saying a prayer? Could you clarify a little bit please?
 * "exploring who she is within the genre of reggaetón" Like introspection? I'd clarify that as well.
 * ✅ —  Diva    Knockouts   21:36, 30 April 2013 (UTC)


 * Reception
 * Often times I see critical reception listed before commercial performance, just something to consider.
 * Remove the review box, since there's only one review in it that's already covered in the text.
 * I've been told by several other users to add the box even with only one review. —  Diva    Knockouts   21:36, 30 April 2013 (UTC)
 * "Real peaked number 25" to "Real peaked at number 25".
 * "the album peaked at number" Number what?
 * "as it reached number eight" to "reaching number eight".
 * ✅ —  Diva    Knockouts   21:36, 30 April 2013 (UTC)


 * Track listing
 * "25 seconds longer" to "twenty-five seconds longer".
 * ✅ —  Diva    Knockouts   21:36, 30 April 2013 (UTC)


 * Personnel
 * Unbold the liner notes statement.
 * ✅ —  Diva    Knockouts   21:36, 30 April 2013 (UTC)


 * References
 * I'd suggest writing out the dates, instead of XXXX-XX-XX.
 * Will get to this. —  Diva    Knockouts   21:36, 30 April 2013 (UTC)
 * ✅ —  Diva    Knockouts   23:03, 5 May 2013 (UTC)

Let me know if you have any questions, I'd be happy to answer them! Regards, WikiRedactor (talk) 20:17, 30 April 2013 (UTC)
 * Thanks so much for your review! Best. —  Diva    Knockouts   21:36, 30 April 2013 (UTC)