Wikipedia:Peer review/Remember Paul?/archive1

Remember Paul?
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I hope it will eventually meet the criteria for "good article" status.

Thanks, Akcvtt (talk) 02:52, 22 December 2010 (UTC)

Finetooth comments: This seems broad in coverage and well-organized. I note a few sentences that seem confusing or overly complex, and I have a few other suggestions for improvement.

Lead
 * "... and continued the ongoing storyline of Susan (Teri Hatcher) and Mike's (James Denton) financial problems." - Slightly smoother because of the split possessive might be "and continued the ongoing storyline of the financial problems of Susan (Teri Hatcher) and Mike (James Denton)."


 * "and continued the ongoing storyline" - Since it was "continued", there's no reason to say it was "ongoing". I'd just delete "ongoing".

Background
 * "Ten years later, Paul was released from jail and began renting Susan and Mike's home." - Should this be in present tense? I ask because two sentences later a sentence says, "Paul's return to Wisteria Lane jolts the neighborhood... ". Does he return in this episode? If so, the "began renting" sentence should probably be "is released from jail and begins renting".

Episode
 * "on which she would viewed via web-cam doing housework in lingerie" - Word or words missing?


 * "Lynette threatens to kick her out until Renee reveals that Doug has left her for another woman." - Does this mean that Lynette changes her mind after Renee reveals that Doug has left her, or does it mean that Lynette bullies Renee until she confesses?

Production
 * "The character's name was originally reported as Renee Filmore-Jones and was conceived as a trouble-making vixen, similar to the deceased Edie Britt character, portrayed by Nicollette Sheridan until the fifth season." - I see several problems with this sentence. First, the name wasn't conceived as a trouble-making vixen. Second, it's not clear who "reported" the name as Filmore-Jones and whether this happened in the fiction or in the real-life advertising for the episode. Third, there is no obvious connection between her name and her character. Fourth, it's not clear from this whether the Britt character was portrayed by someone other than Sheridan after the fifth season, or whether the Britt character disappeared from the fiction after the fifth season.


 * "Following the casting announcement, Williams admitted to having been a fan for the series during its first year, but stopped watching because of the second season mystery storyline, which focused on Betty Applewhite (Alfre Woodard), the series' first black main character." - This is a bit too complex. It might be better to recast it as two separate sentences. Suggestion: "Following the casting announcement, Williams said she had been a fan of the series during its first year but stopped watching because of the second-season storyline. It focused on Betty Applewhite (Alfre Woodard), the series' first black main character."


 * "Harriet Samson Harris also returned to reprise her role as Felicia.[11][12] while Steven... " - Comma after Felicia rather than terminal period?

Reception
 * WP:MOSQUOTE advises against fancy quotation marks. I'd recommend a quote box.


 * Rather than making a separate and extremely short section for the international versions, I'd recommend merging them with the "Reception" section by saying something like, "The episode appeared in X other languages in Y countries. The languages were A, B, C, ... ". On the other hand, if the three-item list is incomplete, it might be better to complete it or delete it rather than just naming three. Did it have a Swedish title, for example? A Japanese title? A Spanish title?

References
 * The first three citations are to other Wikipedia articles, which is a no-no. Wikipedia can't be a reliable source for itself.


 * Citation 4 should not be bolded.

Images
 * File:Vanessa Williams homezfoo.jpg would probably be better on the left so that Williams looks into the page instead of out.


 * The caption doesn't need to say "pictured".

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog at WP:PR; that is where I found this one. I don't usually watch the PR archives or check corrections or changes. If my comments are unclear, please ping me on my talk page. Finetooth (talk) 04:11, 27 December 2010 (UTC)