Wikipedia:Peer review/Rickey Henderson/archive3

Rickey Henderson
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because, while it has reached good article status and has had an FAC, I still feel like it's a way from another FAC, and would like to get this ready for one. I've done a citation overhaul and gotten rid of all the unreliable sources, and made some prose and section modifications. I would like some guidance on the prose of the article; namely, where to expand, where to cut. While at 29kb of prose right now, this will grow before another FAC, maybe to 40kb should what's needed call for it.
 * Previous peer review

This is a large article that will only get larger as I wrap things up, but with some good criticism perhaps we can get an FA on baseball's greatest leadoff hitter.

Thanks, Wizardman  Operation Big Bear 18:19, 7 July 2010 (UTC)

Comments by Canada Hky Early Years Great read about Henderson. Here's a few things I noticed.
 * "When he was two years old, his father left home (subsequently dying in an automobile accident ten years later), and his family moved to Oakland, California when he was seven."
 * That's a lot jammed into one sentence (about 10 years), and it isn't really clear. Did he leave and stay in contact?  Did he abandon his family?  Also, 'subsequently' seems out of place.  I would just pull the part about his father dying into a standalone sentence - fitting it chronologically into the paragraph around when Rickey was 12.
 * "As a kid"
 * "child" is more encyclopedic
 * "acquired the ability"
 * From the sound of the following sentences, perhaps 'developed' would be better?

Oakland Athletics
 * "In 1982, Henderson broke Lou Brock's modern major league record by stealing 130 bases, a total which has not been approached since."
 * Suggest adding 'single season' or some other clarifying statement.
 * His 100 steals set a new American League record,
 * After the first mention of 'American League', add the abbreviation (AL)

Coaching
 * ..."and to teach basestealing"...
 * The section uses basestealing and base stealing - should probably stick to one.

Illeism, malapropism and anecdotes
 * The name for this section is a little strange. Possibly, simplify it to 'Personality' or something along those lines.  It seems like a section where all the quirks and stories that couldn't be worked in somewhere else are added, and edges close to being a trivia section.

That's a start, I hope this was helpful. I enjoyed the article. Canada Hky (talk) 20:07, 9 July 2010 (UTC)
 * Thanks for the review. I fixed the issues, though I don't have the source on the father so I'll have to do some more research to add in any specifics. The anecdotes section I changed the name on; I do feel it's relevant, but I probably need to give more examples from earlier on, right now it just seems rather thrown in. Wizardman  Operation Big Bear 16:08, 10 July 2010 (UTC)

Comment - I would take the picture of Henderson sliding into third wearing a Yankees uniform out of the A's section. I am assuming that there are no pics of him in an A's uniform available. Dincher (talk) 21:19, 11 July 2010 (UTC)
 * I just uploaded File:Rickey Henderson and Eddie Murray, 1983.jpg picture of Henderson from flickr. Dincher (talk) 22:08, 11 July 2010 (UTC)
 * Awesome. Replaced, thanks for finding that. Wizardman  Operation Big Bear 04:05, 13 July 2010 (UTC)
 * You are welcome! Dincher (talk) 15:56, 13 July 2010 (UTC)