Wikipedia:Peer review/Ricki-Lee Coulter/archive1

Ricki-Lee Coulter
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I would like to take it to GA status. Thanks, Oz   talk  12:27, 12 June 2012 (UTC)

Finally someone has replaced the poor image I took, that had been in the lead for too long ! A few notes on this article:
 * Review by Peripitus
 * Don't overlink. If linking Auckland it is not necessary to link New Zealand immediately following. Too many blue links make the article hard to read. There is no need to link common terms that most readers will understand (like say flute and trumpet). ✅
 * Consider, for the sake of making editing easier, moving the named references to the refs section - press the edit button on the notes section for Hadspen, Tasmania for what I mean. It makes the text much easier to read in the edit window ✅
 * Avoid repeat references - sentence 1.[5] sentence number 2.[5] and sentence number 3.[5] Should be sentence 1. sentence number 2. and sentence number 3.[5] - the excess clutters the reader's experience. ✅
 * Coulter relocated to Gold Coast, Queensland - surely she simply grew up there, her mother relocated but this implies she made a decision.
 * she auditioned for the second season of Australian Idol and placed seventh - implies she placed 7th in the auditions. Missing some explanatory words.
 * Though it is sometimes used in the media, Albums don't spawn (singles), fish spawn. Songs from the album are released as singles.
 * at the first use please explain what certified gold, platinum seller means. They do not have a common meaning worldwide.
 * I've linked "certified" to Music recording sales certification. Is that ok? Oz   talk  00:41, 14 June 2012 (UTC)
 * The album was preceded by the top-twenty singles - are they stand alone singles or are they destined to be on the 2012 album release ?
 * They're the album's first and second singles. Oz   talk  00:41, 14 June 2012 (UTC)
 * High School.[7] From then on, - from when on ? did she suffer lonliness from when she started high school, finished or when ? I am unclear after reading this
 * played netball for Queensland for six years - on the state team or where ? I know the reference does not say so you need more information here
 * there is some far too close paraphrasing of sources in the article.
 * Reference - She completed her schooling with honours in academics, music and sporting achievements, however ultimately chose to pursue a career in singing
 * Article - She finished high school with honours in academics, music and sporting achievements, however Coulter decided to focus on her musical career
 * almost a direct copy. This needs to be rewritten to avoid copying and you have to look for other such problems. In this though what is "honours" in context of completing high school in Australia and what is "academics" - reads like it's written from an American perspective.


 * I'm concerned about the in-universe language when discussing Australian idol and/or Popstars. Lots of readers will not understand the significance or meaning of "final top 12", "final seven round", what "elimination" means in the context. A short section (few sentences) explaining what the shows are and how they work is really needed before discussing her performance and the outcome. Without this the text lacks sufficient meaning. ✅
 * However, Coulter signed - sentences should not start with However. try (note the plural records means that several is unnecessary)
 * Coulter was offered a recording contracts, by several record labels, including the show's parent company Sony BMG, .[9] However, Coulter and signed with Australia's biggest independent label Shock Records.[9] ✅

I think the article fairly well covers what I see it should, appears well referenced, looks to be an appropriate length and is well laid out and illustrated. If I have time I'll do some copyediting, but if not all the best in the quest for a great article ! - Peripitus (Talk) 12:03, 13 June 2012 (UTC)
 * Watch out for reading like a dot-point list. Starting successive sentences with In March 2010, In May 2010, On 2 July 2010 reads like this. ✅
 * Look out for all of the sentences that start On/in/after  - consider alternate ways to phrase this like later that/the same year and other ways to turn it from a series of facts stated as single sentences into prose ✅
 * Endorsements - I far rather stating outright that this is paid advertising work, as the euphemism implies, particularly in reference to the Woolworths Earn & Learn program, that there is some charitable or personal drive involved.
 * Should I move the Woolworths Earn & Learn program to the Philanthropy section? Oz   talk  00:41, 14 June 2012 (UTC)
 * Thank you for reviewing the article! Oz   talk  00:41, 14 June 2012 (UTC)

-Peripitus (Talk) 12:03, 13 June 2012 (UTC)