Wikipedia:Peer review/Ring the Alarm/archive1

Ring the Alarm
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I want to take it to FA later. I know it is far from meeting the required criteria. That's why i am nominating it for a PR.

Thanks, Jivesh    &bull;  Talk2Me  05:34, 12 April 2011 (UTC)

I didn't check references here, but you should make sure they are all formatted consistently and meet WP:RS. If you have any questions about any of the above, feel free to ask here - I've got this page watchlisted. Nikkimaria (talk) 17:33, 12 April 2011 (UTC)
 * Comments from Nikkimaria
 * I've done some copy-editing on first half of the article, feel free to revert. I would suggest, however, that you also get someone from WP:GOCE to look it over
 * See list of dead/broken links here
 * "Ring the Alarm" or "Ring The Alarm"? Use consistent capitalization
 * Be consistent in whether you refer to the artist using her first or last name. If you choose the latter, be consistent in whether you use Knowles' or Knowles's for possessives
 * WP:OVERLINK - don't link very common terms and don't repeat links, particularly not in close proximity
 * File:Ring_the_Alarm_low.jpg and File:Ring_the_Alarm_video.jpg - who owns copyright to these images?
 * Check for consistency in MoS details - whether you use "US" or "U.S.", etc
 * Is Rihanna just a pop star, or an R&B-pop star? You use both
 * "while Irreplaceable (2006) was serviced internationally as the album's second single" - could you clarify this? I'm not sure what it means
 * WP:W2W and WP:NPOV - be sure you're phrasing things as neutrally as possible, and avoid potentially nuanced synonyms for "said"
 * The quote from Matthew Knowles doesn't really seem related to the artwork issue
 * "She also stated that the album was completed in three weeks, and that was the reason most of the record's content sounds aggressive" - not sure I follow this argument. What does the time frame have to do with its emotion?
 * Make sure the text is accessible to non-specialist readers. For example, what is a "neo-warm vibe"?
 * "If you're in a relationship, even if the man's cheating and you end up not wanting him, the thought of another woman benefiting from the lessons you taught him" - this isn't a complete sentence, is there more to the quote?
 * "threatened girlfriend" - this phrasing is a bit ambiguous, as it more often refers to a victim of domestic violence. Can it be made clearer?
 * Be sure to maintain an encyclopedic tone at all times, and avoid colloquialisms
 * "she honestly was not aware of the rumors that had been circulating" - what rumors? You're assuming that readers will be familiar with the Rihanna-Brown saga, which especially for non-Americans may not be the case
 * The first few sentences of "Release" need to be clearer - I'm finding it hard to follow what's going on
 * "including the Karmatronic Remix, Migtight Remix, Tranzformas Remix, Pha Remix and Grizz Remix" - are these all titles? If so, they should be in quotation marks
 * "Sarah Rodman complimented...He also commented" - unless Sarah's male, something's missing here
 * ""Ring the Alarm" was received by the public with polarized responses", "Billboard viewed "Ring The Alarm" as another female empowering track of Knowles", etc - phrasing is a bit awkward
 * The part about her falling down the stairs receives a bit too much coverage here
 * Citations needed tags need to be addressed


 * Thank you very much Nikki. I will fixed the things you mentioned soonest possible. Jivesh    &bull;  Talk2Me  17:02, 13 April 2011 (UTC)