Wikipedia:Peer review/Robert Rossen/archive1

Robert Rossen
This peer review discussion has been closed.
 * A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for March 2009.

This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I believe it's at or near Good Article status and would like another set of eyes on it before making the nomination.

Thanks, Otto4711 (talk) 17:40, 14 March 2009 (UTC)

Brianboulton comments: A short but succinct account - I don't see why it shouldn't get to GA if the following points are attended to. I have corrected one or two typos and commas.
 * Lead
 * "Rossen was twice nominated for an Academy Award for best director and once for best adapted screenplay and won the Golden Globe Award for Best Director for All the King's Men (1949)." Slight reword/repunctuation necessary, to avoid effect of two running "ands" in the sentence and also repetition: "for Best Director for All the King's Men"
 * Second para, first sentence: "again" is unnecessary
 * Early life and career
 * First paragraph: nine short/shortish sentences, seven of which begin with "Rossen..." Some variation essential - some sentences could begin "He...", others could be rephrased. Some sentences ought to be combined, to get a better flow.
 * "...and featuring Lana Turner" – "and" unnecessary, should be deleted
 * "...followed this up..." – "up" is unnecessary, should be deleted
 * Communism
 * "Rossen joined the American Communist Party in 1937. He left the party in 1947." This is a good example of the staccato style and repetitive prose that is hard to read. Why not "Rossen joined the American Communist Party in 1937 and left in 1947."?
 * "Rossen in 1948..." better as "In 1948, Rossen..."
 * ...Rossen took what came to be known as the "augmented Fifth" . This needs to be explained. Some - a few - non-Americans will know what "taking the Fifth" means. Practically none will know what an "augmented fifth" is.
 * Return to filmmaking
 * A link to pool, the game, is needed somewhere.

Hope the review helps. Brianboulton (talk) 00:27, 22 March 2009 (UTC)