Wikipedia:Peer review/Ron Hextall/archive1

Ron Hextall
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I'd like to take it to good article, and maybe even featured article status. Although I've done a fair bit of work on sports biographies, this have previously been focussed on cricket, and given the pretty major differences, I would definitely like some North American eyes on this before I take it much further. That said, the viewpoint of someone without any hockey knowledge would also be extremely valuable.

Thanks,  Harrias  talk 10:02, 24 April 2011 (UTC)

I have to admit, I'm curious how one moves from cricket to hockey! The article looks quite good, only a few issues jump out at me:
 * Comments by Resolute
 * As Hextall is Canadian, the article should be in Canadian English. Right now you have a mixture, i.e.: defenceman and defenseman are both used.
 * Also, some of your terms are European in nature rather than North American. "Match" would not be ccommon terminology for North American hockey. I would probably replace most uses with "game/games", using "match" where necessary to avoid redundancy.  Also "nil" is not typically used out here.  The Brandon Wheat Kings would have been swept four games to none.


 * "he was traded on three occasions between the off-seasons of..." - should be "during the off-seasons...", as the playing season is what would be between off-seasons.
 * Avoid overlinking - you have Bryan Hextall, Jr. linked twice in close succession in the early life section.
 * I'm terrible for this myself, but watch for overuse of commas. I saw several instances, including: "opposition side during a single, bench-clearing brawl."  No comma is needed there.

Overall though, I think the article is very well done, and you should have relatively little difficulty reaching GA status, at least. Cheers! Resolute 01:27, 27 April 2011 (UTC)
 * Thanks for the comments: most of your comments were things I was fully expecting, but I was always going to have a problem with the terminology. With your help, that's hopefully sorted now, and similar for the spelling. Addressed your other issues too, although I didn't comb too tightly over the commas!  Harrias  talk 11:31, 27 April 2011 (UTC)

Overall, the article's OK but I don't it's "there" just yet. Hope this helps.  Maxim (talk)  01:33, 30 April 2011 (UTC)
 * Comments by Maxim
 * In terms of prose quality, it's very good, but there are the occasional European terms. I've fixed the ones that jumped out at me. A few quibbles, however:
 * "Calder Memorial Trophy, for the "player selected as the most proficient in his first year of competition",[21]" perhaps change to "... Calder Memorial Trophy, given to the top rookie". The latter seems to be much more succinct to me.
 * "...as "probably the best goaltender I've ever played against in the N.H.L."" it's a quote, but perhaps change the N.H.L to just NHL or [NHL]? It looks so weird to me with the dots...
 * The Flyers suffered a difficult start to the 1987–88 season, which Keenan put down in part to the absence of Hextall; "he's a piece of the Flyer puzzle that's been missing, and one we need."[32]; Keenan's quote is presented somewhat awkwardly. Perhaps it's the semi-colon; maybe put a colon instead?
 * You're not consistent in linking the New York Times in the refs -- part of the time it's linked, part of the time it isn't.
 * For the crux of my review: there's somewhat of a balance problem. Hextall, IMHO, was especially noted for three things: playoffs, fighting, and puckhandling. At least, they're the big things. You've covered the Conn Smythe et cetera well, but I don't think a paragraph each for the fighting and puckhandling does him justice. I recall reading about how his puckhandling skills were noticed when he was in junior, for example. Some of the stuff on the fighting that's outside the Playing style section might be put in the section itself. I think the concentration of New York Times articles as sources might be somewhat to blame here. I think books will cover his playing style, and if not, I think there would be a considerable amount of analysis available in articles online. I think the goal of the article should not only be to cover his career -- which is done -- but to capture the portrait of the man behind the mask, and I don't think the article is there yet, in that regard.
 * I agree with you wholeheartedly on the final point. The problem is, it is tricky for me to find sources with a quantity of information. Being in the UK, I can't really get hold of too many written sources, and online I've found lots of sources which praise his puck-handling, and mention his fighting and aggression, but don't really go into much detail about the specifics. I'm certainly going to keep looking though! As for your other points, I'll go through and clean those up, thanks.  Harrias  talk 15:26, 1 May 2011 (UTC)